The Things I Do to Put Myself Out There

I always get nervous before I do a presentation or workshop. But recently, I discovered that the host can say one sentence and put me on the brink of panic. That sentence?

“We cater mostly to a geriatric crowd.”

Yes, this sentence was actually spoken to me before I was about to present. I almost lost my mind. Seriously. I had been scheduled to do my Women and Slasher Film presentation, and this was the crowd I could expect. What? I’m pretty dang sure the host saw the worry on my face because he immediately started trying to make me feel better. He said things like, “It’s going to be fun, don’t worry.”

“You’ll do awesome.”

“The purpose of the humanities is to introduce people to new things, so this will help them stretch their boundaries.”

I tried to let his words make me feel better, but I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t exactly convinced either. But at that point, there wasn’t much either of us could do. I was scheduled to go in a few minutes. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t run away. Forty-two people showed up for that presentation.

I tried to keep my shakes to a minimum. I was given a podium to put my bottled water on, and I don’t usually use them because I have a tendency to pace, but I used it this time. I needed something to keep me steady. As I got into my speech, I began to relax. I had to pace back and forth to play the movie clips from the computer, so that helped loosen me up too. No one got up and walked out and no one yelled at me from the audience, so I considered that a win.

At the end, several people came up to me and continued to talk horror movies and told me how much they enjoyed my talk. It made me feel good. Participants also had the option to fill out a survey. Out of those who did, only three said they didn’t enjoy the presentation. And that could have happened at any event, not necessarily one that catered to a geriatric crowd. I considered that a win too.

One of the things I really enjoy about giving presentations and workshops is that I get to meet new and amazing people. This was a really good lesson for me to not judge my audience beforehand. I never know what will appeal to some and not to others. And as far as horror fans go, they are numerous and diverse.

Most days, I’m not even sure why I do presentations and workshops. I have anxiety and social anxiety, so being in front of people is an incredibly scary prospect. Did I say scary? I meant terrifying. For days before the event, I’ll worry about it. My stomach will have both butterflies and knots. I’ll worry about all the things that could possibly go wrong. On the day, as I wait for the time to begin, I’ll feel like I’m going to throw up.

Then, as I start talking, all of that goes away. I become focused on my topic and excited to share my research with others. I ask them questions and expect them to be involved. I crack jokes and answer their questions. It’s not exactly a high that I get from doing workshops because I don’t walk out of there feeling euphoric. I just like to share my research with others, and I enjoy when they learn.

It’s a weird space to be in. Before I go in front of the audience, I always wonder why in the hell I’m doing it. I always tell myself that will be the last time, but then I find myself putting in proposals or sending out brochures. There’s parts I completely enjoy, and then parts that scare the sh*t out of me.

I’ve tried to figure out exactly why I put myself through that, and I haven’t been able to come up with an answer. Normally, I’m not one to back down from a challenge or let my fear dictate my actions—and believe me, I have lots of fears. I’m not trying to prove anything to myself, I just really, really enjoy talking about the subjects I talk about.

Perhaps one day I’ll have an epiphany that helps me understand why I put myself through this emotional roller coaster. When I find out, I’ll let you know.

The OPCA Conference

First of all, I would like to apologize for not blogging last week. I fell ill and spent the day recovering. I’m really trying to get back in the habit of getting my posts done early, but life doesn’t always work that way.

Anywho, let’s get on with the post.

At the end of March, I had the opportunity to go to Honolulu to the OPCA Conference to give my Women and Slasher Films presentation. I had never been to Hawai’i before, and neither had my kids, so it also doubled as a vacation. For pictures of the fun we had, check out my blog here.

The conference was held at Chaminade University and was pretty small. It spanned two days—Friday and Saturday—and there were 7 panels on Friday and 6 on Saturday. On Friday, they also showed a rough cut of a new film that is coming out about the history of hot rodding in Hawai’i. I didn’t stay to watch it. I’m sure it was fascinating, but it wasn’t really something that interested me.

The panels I did go to were incredibly fascinating. I love going to conferences. Seeing what others are working on and meeting new people is so much fun. Plus, it’s an opportunity to talk academia and be a nerd—two things I really enjoy.

My presentation was on Saturday, and there were two other people on my panel. One was discussing the HBO series True Blood, which was fascinating. I’ve never watched True Blood, but now I’m intrigued. The other presenter was an engineer who had designed a sustainable house for the zombie apocalypse. It was so cool. 

I think I did fairly well for my presentation. It’s always hard for me to tell, but no one yelled at me or stormed out of the room, so I take that as a good sign.

If given the chance, I would definitely go again. Small or not, the conference had a lot to offer was so much fun. And it was Hawai’i, how could that be bad?

Now THIS Was a Conference!

I had the opportunity to go to the MAPACA conference at the beginning of November. I was giving my Women and Slasher Films presentation on Saturday, so that gave me all day on Friday to attend panels and soak in what people were researching and working on. I wasn’t disappointed.

There were so many different panels I had the opportunity to attend. I went to one where the panelists talked about different things from WWII. One presentation was about some sculptures in Greece that were tributes to the Greek soldiers and the victims of German brutality. That was incredibly fascinating.

Another panelist talked about the accessibility of WWII photos online and how that is both good and bad, while another panelist talked about women’s roles in the war and how they were portrayed by Hollywood. I didn’t get to see the end of that presentation because it ran over and I had to get to my next panel, but the part I saw was incredibly fascinating.

There was also a panelist that talked about journalists during the Civil War and how they impacted and changed reporting during times of war. It was something I had never even thought about previously, so I learned something new.

There were quite a few horror panels that I had the opportunity to attend. The overarching theme of one was how the familiar becomes frightening, so the panelists talked about The X Files and representations of the South; the vampire Lestat in both books and film; and Pet Semetary, the book more than the movie. They were fascinating.

Another horror panel I went to had panelists that talked about Nazi zombie movies, and the presenter pointed out how surprised she was at how many existed and how many of them weren’t very good. The other presenter talked about the color of horror and how films use color or lack thereof to create mood and atmosphere. Both of those were also incredibly interesting.

I’m not diving into too much detail about each presentation because I could go on and on about how fantastic they were—and they really were. I learned a lot listening to all of these presenters, and I was amazed at what people chose to study. I love how passionate they were about their subjects. I get the same way in my research, and it’s always wonderful to hang out with like-minded people and bounce ideas and passions off one another.

This was exactly what I enjoy most about conferences. It’s a group of intellectual people getting together and sharing ideas and inspiring others. Not that Long Beach didn’t have intellectual people, it did, the format was just different.

MAPACA was what I expect conferences to be like. It had a registration table, I got a badge and a schedule, and I decided which talks/presentations sounded interesting and attended them. There were discussions afterward, and the attendees were able to ask questions. There was also networking that occurred, and friendships were formed.

I did this conference on my own; my mom didn’t go with me like she went to Long Beach. It was incredibly nerve-wracking, but it turned out fine. The day I drove to the airport, I was incredibly anxious, and I spent all morning taking deep breaths and convincing myself that I could do it.

My stomach was in knots, and the voice in my head was screaming that I should just stay home. The weather wasn’t cooperating. It had snowed the night before, so part of the highway I had to travel on had black ice and snow pack, and the speed limit was 45 mph.

Still, I trudged on. I knew that once I got there, everything would be fine.

For the most part, it was. I was still nervous when I got to the airport because I hate flying, but I had helpers if I needed them. On the way out, I actually didn’t need them. I was pretty proud of myself. The flight home was a different story. Nothing bad happened, but I was leaving early and my nerves were in overdrive. I couldn’t keep the anxiety down, so I had a little help.

I didn’t do any sightseeing or touristy stuff while in Philly, mainly because I didn’t have a lot of time—I wanted to be at the conference—but also because I’m not an overly adventurous person, especially when I’m by myself. I figured I needed to ease myself into the experience. Maybe next time I’ll do something fun and check out the sights.

All in all, I was really pleased with how the experience turned out. It was more in line with what I thought a conference should be, and I was inspired and excited to be there. I was asked to come back next year and do some more panels, and I’m seriously considering it. It’s in Atlantic City, so that will be a new adventure. I’m also thinking I can convince others to go with me—not to the conference, but to take in the other sights.

One More Day…

Tomorrow I’m heading to Long Beach for the Long Beach Indie Film Festival. I get to give my presentation about Women and Slasher Films. I’m both excited and incredibly nervous about the whole experience.

One of the things I had to do to prepare for my presentation was cut it down from an hour to 15 minutes. I really had to think about what was important to talk about, and I won’t be able to show all of my film clips. It was a fun challenge to figure out if I could get my point across in such a short amount of time. I think I accomplished the task, and I’m interested in seeing how it turns out.

I can’t wait to get to the conference. I think it’s going to be so much fun! I always get so jazzed and inspired going to them. And I love talking to other people about our passions. Everyone once in a while I just need to geek out, and conferences let me do that.

In celebration of the upcoming geek fest, here’s the information about the book that my presentation comes from. Enjoy!

Horror and slasher films are often dismissed for their apparent lack of sophistication and dearth of redeemable values. However, despite criticism from film snobs who turn up their noses and moralists who look down upon the genre, slasher films are more than just movies filled with gory mayhem. Such films can actually serve a purpose and offer their audiences something more than split skulls and severed heads.

In Life Lessons from Slasher Films, Jessica Robinson looks at representative works that have been scaring audiences for decades—from Alfred Hitchcock’s seminal shocker, Psycho, to the cult classic Black Christmas and iconic thrillers like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Scream. In this book, Robinson examines common themes that have emerged in these films, their various sequels, and countless imitators—a maniacal and seemingly indestructible executioner, sexual encounters that invariably lead to death, increasingly gruesome ways to slaughter helpless victims, and a lone female survivor who finds a way to vanquish the killer—and looks beyond such tropes for what these films can teach us about life.

From practical advice (listen to your elders) to moral platitudes (teens never learn), each chapter considers a different “lesson” that these films teach. Robinson discusses how the events portrayed in slasher films can resonate with viewers and perhaps offer constructive advice on how to conduct our lives. A fun read for fans and scholars alike, Life Lessons from Slasher Films offers an entertaining and persuasive look at how life can imitate art, and what art can say about life.

The Joys of Conferences

I love conferences. There’s something so magical about hanging out with a bunch of like-minded people and having conversations about our passions and obsessions. It’s so amazing to have some time to just geek out.

While it’s possible to talk about my passions and obsessions with my friends, family, and coworkers, it’s different doing it at a conference. There’s a different energy and feel about it. And I’m not kidding when I say we “geek out.” I’m fairly certain that people who overhear our conversations in public think we are so weird. And I’m totally fine with that!

Last Friday and Saturday, I was asked to present at the Casper College Literary Conference. I did my Women and Slasher Film presentation, and it was so much fun!

I was really nervous when I first started. I got there 10 minutes before my presentation was supposed to start (poor planning on my driving part), and being late is a source of anxiety for me, so I was aaaaaaaaah! before I even started. I sped through my presentation a bit because I had so much nervous energy, but by the end I had calmed down somewhat and was feeling a touch more confident.

I had a good crowd. One of the English teachers at the community college had offered her students extra credit to attend, so there were quite a few students there. There were also adults (friends of mine came to see me; hi, Kara! Hi, Sarah! Thanks for coming!), along with the other presenters for the conference. All in all, I think it went really well.

The rest of the conference was just as amazing. I attended several other panels and a workshop to make a wreath out of about-to-be-recycled books. I am not a crafty person, but I still had a good time, and I don’t think it turned out horrible. 

 
I met some new, amazing people, and I’m looking forward to conversing with them further. Conferences are great for networking, and that’s part of the reason I really enjoy going—along with finding inspiration.

After this conference, I’m really looking forward to the others I have coming up. I’m excited to meet more amazing people and for the inspiration to continue. It’s going to be fun!