It’s Exhausting Always Thinking the Worst About People

It’s no secret that the world can be cruel place. All you have to do is turn on the news to know how bad things are—and it doesn’t seem it will be getting better any time soon.

Because the world can be full of shysters and those looking to take advantage of others, we have to be careful who we become friends with and let into our lives. Because of the popularity of social media and how easy it is to connect with people around the world, our vigilance has to be at the highest setting.

No matter what you do in life, you have to be cautious that you’re not taken advantage of, but as an author, I know firsthand how cruel and manipulative some people can be. It’s hard to deal with, and its especially hard to get justice for.

I always say that I’m a cynic, and in many ways I am, but I’m also trying to fix that part of me and focus on the positive. It’s exhausting constantly looking for the bad in people and the world. Questioning and monitoring their intentions takes time away from being able to live my life.

I know this means I’m looking at the world through rose-colored glasses and that I can potentially get taken for another ride, but I can’t shut myself in my house and not talk to anyone. How is that a better way to live? My glasses are only rose-colored on the edges. The inside is clear.

There have been some recent events that have happened with my writing that made me think back to those days when I was taken advantage of. One of them was an email exchange with a newsletter subscriber. Red flags were definitely raised with that one, and I did what I had to to ensure the requests didn’t continue.

Another event that took place occurred on Twitter. I had posted on the site earlier this month that I was looking for a narrator for my young adult zombie book Life After the Undead. My first attempt at making it into an audiobook fell through (I will tell you that story another time), so I was trying again. I received a comment from another user that they were interested in narrating the story. We chatted through DM, and then I emailed a copy of the excerpt that is uploaded on ACX as the audition script.

There was nothing about my exchange that seemed suspicious or weird until a day later I decided to send the Twitter person a link to ACX so they could decide if they wanted to sign up there—after all, they mentioned wanting to get into the business and needed some experience. I decided to send the message through Twitter for ease, and I discovered I could no longer send messages to this particular person.

Most people’s Twitter accounts are set up so that you can only send them messages if you are followers. Both this Twitter person and I followed one another so we could chat, but this let me know that we were no longer followers of one another. That was confirmed when I went to the account and had the option of clicking the follow button again. I did not unfollow this person, so I assume they unfollowed me.

Since I had their email, I sent them a message, but I never received a reply. I sort of expected this. After talking with some other people, it was agreed that they probably were no longer interested in doing my audiobook and that I needed to be cautious about sending them copies of my work or entering into any agreement without a contract.

I’m not sure if I would classify this situation as one that I should freak out about. I never sent more than the excerpt, and the person never asked for anything else. We talked about payment, but I wanted that upfront in case my budget (which is pretty low) wasn’t enough—there was no point wasting time talking if they didn’t agree with my pay scale. They were happy with my offer, but never asked me to send anything. In fact, I was the one who suggested I needed an audio sample so I could hear their voice, and they agreed to do it.

It would have been easy to be suspicious of this person, and maybe a small part of me is. I’m definitely curious to know why they suddenly decided to vanish after being excited, but I doubt I’ll ever get an answer. And maybe that’s where the issue lies. Maybe needing to go through the process messed up their plans of taking advantage. Perhaps when I didn’t instantly tell them I wanted to work with them without going through the steps they moved on. Who knows?

I try to be cautious with my interactions online, and there’s probably a part of me that is still naïve, but if I thought everyone who contacted me online was bad, I would never have any interactions. I wouldn’t have found the amazing fans and friends that I have. True, I wouldn’t have found a nefarious publisher, either.

My point is that we all have to be cautious about who we interact with. The world is full of terrible people, but it’s also full of good people. I understand that it can be hard to distinguish between the two, but sometimes you just have to take a chance. Stay alert and vigilant, but be willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

Hello, My Name Is... Blog Hop

We’re ringing in the New Year with lots of giveaways and by sharing some fun and wacky facts about ourselves. There’s a new giveaway at each stop, so be sure to visit them all!

Hello, my name is Pembroke, and here are some things wacky things you may or may not know about me:

1. I am an incredibly picky eater. I’m getting a little better as I get older, but not much. I can’t even eat tri-colored chips. I know they all taste the same, but in my mind, the red, blue, and green ones are different. They have to be yellow or white or I won’t eat them.

2. Gremlins scared the ever-living crap out of me when I was a kid. I swear they were living under my bed and were waiting to kill me in my sleep.

3. I have a ridiculously overactive imagination, which serves me well as a writer, but also causes a lot of undue worry and stress. 

4. I have an unnatural fear of bats. When I was a kid, we would go back to Iowa to visit family, and they have a ton of bats back there. My grandparents would buy my siblings and me sparklers to light in the yard, but then my grandma would tell us that because we were blond, a bat was going to get tangled in our hair and bite our heads. Scared the crap out of me!

I know my fear is unnatural, so if given the opportunity, I would hold one of the winged creatures (in a controlled environment, of course) just to see if I can overcome it.

5. I’m deathly afraid of badgers and wolverines. I’ve only seen one badger in my life, but they freak me out! If given the chance, I probably would not hold one of those to overcome my fear.

Giveaway!

For everyone who comments on my blog (please leave your email address so I can contact you if you’re a winner), I will enter them into a drawing to giveaway print copies of The Road to Salvation Series, open to U.S. shipping only, which includes three books—The Appeal of Evil, Dealing with Devils, and Good Intentions.

Thanks for stopping by!

My Latest Release

On July 28th, the third book in the Road to Salvation series came out. It was exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. But this is how I feel whenever one of my books comes out.

It’s so exciting to have the story done and ready for the world to read, but there’s a fear that the world will hate it. While that possibility always exists, I know from early reviews that at least a few people have enjoyed it, and that makes me incredibly happy.

With this release, there was also a sense of relief. It felt sooooo good to have this book done. The story had been rattling around in my brain for a while, and it made me happy to write it down. Now, I can move on to other things.

But at the same time, Katie is still present at the back of my brain. It’s possible her story isn’t quite finished yet. I’m not sure. And I don’t think she is sure, either. If anything, she’s biding her time, trying to figure out exactly what she wants to say. It may turn out to be nothing.

Until then, I’m going to move forward with new projects and new stories. Katie will let me know when she’s ready—if she ever is. Until then, enjoy the Road to Salvation series!

Book 1: The Appeal of Evil

Finally, in her senior year of high school, Katie is resolute in getting over her lifetime crush, Wes. It also helps that Josh, the new and incredibly attractive boy at school with his bad boy persona, gives Katie the attention that Wes never did.

It doesn’t take Katie long to fall for Josh. However, Wes, the boy she had pined over for years, now wants back in her life and for her to stay away from Josh. Even with Wes’ warnings, the choice seems clear to Katie – until she finds out that Josh is actually a demon from Hell.

Torn between loving the “good” guy or the “bad” guy, Katie struggles with the idea that even though Josh is a demon, he might genuinely care for her. Katie wants to invest her heart and soul in love, but she may end up losing both to Hell.

The Appeal of Evil makes you question whether the “bad” guy is truly so bad and if being born a demon truly makes one evil.

Book 2: Dealing with Devils

Dating a demon has its advantages, like helping deliver souls to Hell. Wait...what?

Katie’s world has been turned upside down. She's fallen for Josh—despite the fact that he’s a demon from Hell. Wes is finally out of her system and her life. Convinced she can change Josh, she sets out to make him a better person, only to find out things aren’t as simple as she’d originally thought. For one thing, Josh has Katie help him deliver souls to Hell, and she kind of likes it. And to top it off, other more powerful demons are battling for her soul, and revelations from the past could change the course of her life forever.

Book 3: Good Intentions

Katie has been through Hell—literally—and discovered that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. In fact, she kind of enjoyed it. She got to be with Josh, found out about her past, and discovered who she wanted to be as a person. Katie didn’t care that her actions went against social norms. She was happy.

But things are changing—again. Wes has come back into her life, and that can only mean trouble. His presence threatens to unravel her new-found happiness. She can’t allow that. She won’t let him back in. Yet, Katie can’t push him away.

Thrown back into a state of confusion and uncertainty, Katie is once again forced to pick sides, and in the process, she may lose herself.

Behind the Story: The Road to Salvation Series

The third book in the series, Good Intentions, was released last week. I thought it might be fun to give you a little background on where the idea for the books came from.

There is this notion that it is accepted and expected that women will fall for the “bad” boy. The belief is that with their unconditional love, patience, and devotion, a woman will make him an upstanding and contributing member of society.

I have no doubts that for some men this is true. All they’ve needed in their life was support and caring from a devoted partner. But for others, nothing will ever change them. And that can be incredibly dangerous for women.

I am reminded of the “Hot Convict” story. This man found his way into women’s hearts because of his mug shot. From there, he landed a modeling contract.

Now, I don’t know the guy personally. I don’t know if he can be reformed or is looking for a better life, which could possibly be provided by the vast amount of women fawning over him, but an article on February 5th explains that he was sentenced to 27 months for his crimes. So he’s really a “bad” boy in every sense of the word.

Pfft, you say. It was just a weapons charge. It wasn’t like he actually murdered someone. But what if he had? What if he had been arrested for raping and beating women? Would women still find him attractive? More than likely, yes. We’ve been conditioned to think that no matter how terrible an attractive man is, they are just waiting for the right woman to come along and fix them.

But not everyone can or wants to be changed, and it can be devastating for women if they don’t fulfill this societal role. It can make them feel like failures. It can keep them in abusive situations because they’ve been told their love will change everything.

Then, I started thinking about Twilight and how Bella fell in love with a “bad” boy and what happened to her in the process. From there, I started thinking: What happens if the “bad” boy is really bad? Like demon from Hell bad. How would a naïve, inexperienced girl handle it?

Teenagers have specific notions about how love should be, and they are often influenced by popular culture. I know my ideas were waaaaay back in the day. They are often romanticized. And for women, it is often cemented in the idea that men can be changed and that we need a man to have meaning in life. It feels like those were some of the ideals I strove for when I was young.

Things have changed slightly over time, and we see a lot more strong female characters in popular culture. Katniss is one that comes immediately to mind. Or Hermione. But with the strong ones comes the Bellas—teenage characters who shut completely down when their man leaves because they have no meaning without them.

I wanted to challenge these notions while writing the Road to Salvation series. I wanted to point out how flawed and dangerous this way of thinking could truly be.

Katie starts out as a very stereotypical teenage character. She is whiny, self-centered, and needy. And it’s supposed to be irritating. It’s supposed to seem ridiculous and over-the-top. She’s supposed to drive the reader crazy. She wants to love someone and be loved, and for the longest time, she thought she could have that with her childhood friend Wes. But eventually, she discovers that it won’t happen. So she moves on and finds Josh.

Like all stereotypical bad boys, Josh is incredibly hot and has moments of being charming. He knows what Katie wants and needs, which is attention. But he’s also incredibly controlling and puts her in dangerous situations. He saves her, but that only reinforces his control over her.

As the books progress, Josh gets more controlling and even verbally abusive. But he does it in such a subtle way that she doesn’t realize what’s going on. She convinces herself that he does it because he truly cares for her. She thinks that she can change him. And when she finds out that she’s part demon herself, she feels that she doesn’t deserve anyone better than Josh. But that’s also because Josh has convinced her of this through his actions. He’s made her feel important and needed, so why would she go anywhere else? She has purpose and meaning with Josh. And he accepts her for what she is—even with all her flaws.

This situation is dangerous for Katie. She allows herself to be put in increasingly dangerous situations. She’s willing to do whatever it takes to make Josh happy because she believes that he defines her and gives her meaning. She wants to keep him around because he makes her feel complete, but she loses her identity in the process.

Only when things go completely wrong and Josh betrays her does she realize how bad that situation was. But even then, she still thinks she can fix what happened. She thinks she can make Josh happy again by working harder at being bad.

When I envisioned the relationship between Katie and Josh, I thought of it as an abusive relationship. Josh knows exactly what to say and how to act to keep Katie around. He knows how to make her feel special and needed, at the same time manipulating her into doing what he wants. And he knows how to make her feel guilty and like a failure for not living up to his expectations. He’s broken her down. He’s made her completely dependent on him. He needs her weak and unsure so he can get what he wants.

This type of relationship dynamic happens on a daily basis. I chose to have a teen as my main character because of her inexperience with relationships and men, but it can happen to anyone. And a lot of it is because women are taught that their self-worth and meaning comes from their relationships and how well they maintain them, i.e., how well they take the bad out of the boy. But it often doesn’t work out well for the women.

Katie learns that some boys just want to be bad. Josh always had his own agenda in mind, and she was just a means to an end. But on the other end of the spectrum, Wes isn’t exactly the better choice either.

Within the context of the story, I purposely chose to have Heaven vs. Hell, good vs. evil, as the main conflict. It is a black and white battle that most people recognize easily. And readers chose their sides immediately: they were either Team Josh or Team Wes. And I encouraged their decisions. I wanted them to pick sides. It was rather sneaky of me to do that.

Having readers pick teams played right into the notions and expectations that Katie needed a man in her life to give her definition and meaning. If Wes couldn’t provide it, surely Josh could. And when Josh turned out to be totally evil and Wes came back, Katie could still be saved. But as I mentioned briefly above, Wes isn’t any better than Josh. Sure, he’s on the side of good, but he’s also emotionally unavailable. He’s been stringing Katie along for years, making her believe that they could have a normal relationship, but he’s incapable of being there for her.

Wes does good for the world. He rids the world of evil threats, and he loves Katie, and in his mind, he thinks that should be enough. He has absolutely no idea what it means to be there for her because he never has been. He is selfish and self-centered. He thinks that keeping her safe from herself is enough. But what Katie really needs is a partner, someone who sees all her flaws and accepts her for who she is. Wes starts to do this at the end of the series, but by then it might be too late.

Katie doesn’t exactly have a lot of choices in boys when it comes to relationships. She had Josh, who is abusive, and Wes, who is emotionally distant. And yet, these were who readers were rooting for her to be with. I laughed whenever I saw people pick a team, and I wondered: why is no one picking Team Katie?

This, of course, comes back to stereotypes and notions that Katie has to end up with a guy. It’s a convention that has been portrayed in stories since the dawn of time. And I wanted readers to believe that trope. I wanted them to think that was how the story was going to go. But what it all boils down to, and what it has always boiled down to, was that the only person who could save Katie was Katie. She might not have accomplished it in overly heroic style or without getting hurt along the way, but she accomplished it.

Life is tough, and we are constantly faced with difficult and challenging decisions. As Katie learned, she has to have faith in herself and learn that self-worth is drawn from within, not from those around her. It doesn’t matter that she possess both good and evil, we all do. In the end, she has to live with consequences of her decisions—whether good or bad or both—and no one else can define her.

Cover Reveal for Good Intentions

On July 28, 2015, Good Intentions, the third book in the Road to Salvation series, will be released into the world.  I'm super excited about it, and my team and I have been working hard to get it ready.

The cover was recently finalized, and I'm excited to share it with you now.  However, before I do, I also want to share the other two covers so you can see how it fits with the series.

Are you ready?  Here they are:

Book 1: The Appeal of Evil

Book 2: Dealing with Devils

And finally (drum roll)

Book 3: Good Intentions

One Step Closer to Publication

Earlier this week, I uploaded Good Intentions to be formatted. It was a bittersweet experience. It always is. I’m so excited that the book is done and ready for publication, but scared to death something is wrong with it.

Since that part of the process is done, the next step is to have readers/reviewers check out the ARC. I have a secret group on Facebook where we discuss the story and questions can be asked. I have a fantastic group of readers, but I’m always looking for more. If any of you are interested in reading the ARC, drop me a line and let me know. The only stipulation is that you have to post a review—preferably on Amazon when the book goes live, but anywhere will make me happy.

Good Intentions is the third in the series, and you have to read the other two to know what’s going on, but I will make those available if you haven’t checked them out and want to. If you’re interested, drop me a line!

Here’s what Good Intentions is about:

Katie has been through Hell—literally—and discovered that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. In fact, she kind of enjoyed it. She got to be with Josh, found out about her past, and discovered who she wanted to be as a person. Katie didn’t care that her actions went against social norms. She was happy.

But things are changing—again. Wes has come back into her life, and that can only mean trouble. His presence threatens to unravel her new-found happiness. She can’t allow that. She won’t let him back in. Yet, Katie can’t push him away.

Thrown back into a state of confusion and uncertainty, Katie is once again forced to pick sides, and in the process, she may lose herself.

This Week is Going to Kick A$$ and Take Names

Last week had its ups and downs—and they were pretty extreme. I had a brand new kind of panic attack, which was definitely a down. I hadn’t had one of those in a while, but the stress and worry of the last few weeks just hit me.  It sucked, but I survived.

As bad as the downs were, the ups were just as fantastic. First and foremost on the list was picking up Floki. He’s such a sweet, fluffy baby, and I’m so happy to have a Corgi in the house again. I have pictures and talk about him a little more in depth here.

It’s exhausting since he’s still a baby and needs to get up in the middle of the night and gets into everything, but time will fly and soon he’ll grow out of that. But before that happens, we’ll have another little sweetie in the house and things will be even crazier!

Say hello to Siggy.

My family also came to town this weekend, so I spent time with them. We had a lot of fun. 

I got to see my friend do a reading at the library (hi, Tamara!), which was awesome.  I’ve read all of her books, and they are fantastic.  I recommend checking them out.

This week is going to be awesome, I can feel it. The Ifs Return is scheduled for release on Wednesday, and I should be getting edits back for Good Intentions, bringing it one step closer to publication.

And those are just the things I know of. I’m sure other things will crop up along the way, and I can’t wait! I hope the rest of you are also gearing up for an amazing week.

Compliments from My First Reader

My wonderful and amazing book manager (hi, Pam!) paid me the most wonderful compliment the other day.  She had the opportunity to read the rough draft of Good Intentions, and she told me it gave her nightmares  about demons!

My intention wasn't to give anyone nightmares, and it sucks that her dreams were riddled with horrific images, but at the same time, I can't help but feel proud of myself.  It makes me happy to know my book had that kind of effect.  Especially this book.

I've had my doubts about Good Intentions.  With it being the third book in the series, I wanted to make sure it lived up to readers' expectations but was still surprising.  If it caused nightmares, it must have been.

The editor is supposed to be getting to it in the next couple of weeks, then the process should go fairly quickly to get it into the world.  For those of you who have been waiting ever so patiently for it to come out, it's close.  I will let you know when it gets closer.

I'm excited to see what the rest of you think about the book.  I'm not expecting it to cause nightmares for everyone, but if it does, hooray!

Writing News

Late last week, I uploaded book 3 in The Road to Salvation series.  It's called Good Intentions.  It is now ready for the editor, but she won't be able to get to it for a couple weeks.  I'm fine with that.  I need a break from the story.

People keep telling me that I got through this one really fast.  I've been working on it for 5 months, so it doesn't feel that fast to me.  Granted, if I consider that Dealing with Devils came out almost exactly a year after The Appeal of Evil, then, yeah, it probably was pretty fast.  Still, it didn't feel that way.

For some reason, it felt like a struggle to get through this book.  A lot of it was because I wanted it done.  I didn't want readers to have to wait forever and ever to read what happens.  It was also hard to write because self-doubt crept in.  The voices in my head kept asking me if what I was putting on the page was good enough, and the answer was almost always no.  But I pushed through and finished.  Now, I need feedback to see what can be improved.

I'm fairly happy with how the book turned out.  I think feedback from the editor and my book manager will help so I'm very happy with it.  It follows what I had planned in my head, with a few surprises along the way.  I hope that readers enjoy it, and I'm looking forward to it being released into the world.