Life in Nebraska: A Yearly Update

Thanks for being so patient with my sporadic posts so far this month. Life has been incredibly busy, and I haven’t had a chance to write like I had hoped.

And speaking of this month, it marks 5 years since I moved to Nebraska, so now is a good time to update you on what’s been happening.

Where Did the Time Go?

First of all, I want to say: FIVE YEARS?! WHAT THE HELL! WHERE DID THAT TIME GO?

I often find myself calculating in my brain if 5 years have really passed; only to realize that they have. My oldest was in 5th grade when we got here, and he was the first class to be moved to the middle school.

This coming school year, he’ll be a sophomore in high school. (WTF!)

My youngest will be an 8th grader. (Double WTF!!)

Some days, all I can think is that it’s not possible for me to have two teenagers. Wasn’t I just 25, like, yesterday? My sense of humor definitely doesn’t scream middle-aged mom.

Then there are the days when my kids amaze and inspire me, and I can’t wait to see the humans they grow into. I’m proud to be the mother of such astounding young men.

My oldest is almost taller than me, and he loves pointing out how short I’m getting. That says a lot because I’m 5’9”.

Surviving Hardships

Life in Nebraska hasn’t been what I expected. There has been a lot of hardships and major life changes. For half of the time I’ve lived here, I have been divorced. Life has been turned upside down, and trying to figure out how to move forward and deal with the unexpected has pushed me to the brink.

There has been a lot of heartache. Not only with the humans in my life, but with my fur babies as well. But adding 5 years to their life will do that. As much as I want to believe they are still young (and trust me, I do), they aren’t. And that becomes more apparent with each passing year.

But I’m still here.

And I’ve learned a lot about myself.

That has probably been one of the best things that has happened since living here. The road to self-discovery hasn’t been easy, but the results speak for themselves.

I have found a job that I adore. I never imagined that I would enjoy being a teacher, but I do.

The best part is that not only do I get to teach college-level writing, but I also teach a literature class — and literature classes are the reason why I became an English major in the first place. I’m fully aware that most of my students don’t share my passion for critically reading stories, but that doesn’t stop my excitement.

The boys are coming into their own when it comes to school and grades, but they have faced some hardships of their own. As teenagers, it’s expected. We all do what we can to get through and make it to another day.

What the Future Holds

It’s hard to say what the future in Nebraska might hold, but right now, we’re getting by as best as we can. I wouldn’t say I’m loving it; there are more times I despise where I’m at, but it is what it is.

Time will continue to fly, and there will be good times and bad.

Life will continue to happen, and we’ll take it as it comes.

Know Your Audience

As a writer, one of the first things I was taught was to know my audience. As an English teacher, it’s one of the main lessons I teach my students.

Knowing your audience is so important because it allows you to structure your writing in a way that helps them understand what you are trying to say. You might think that the entire world is going to be interested in your story or essay (or whatever you’re writing), but they aren’t.

Trying to get the attention of people who don’t want to read your writing is a waste of time and resources. Instead, you need to focus on those individuals who think the same way you do and are interested in what you have to say.

Recently, I came to the revelation that knowing your audience doesn’t only apply to writing. It applies to other aspects of life as well. Particularly when it comes to emotions and hard times.

The past few years have been incredibly trying for me. My life has been turned upside down in many ways, and I’ve spent a lot of time reaching out to friends and family that I thought would help me through.

Instead, I was met with more heartache, frustration, and disappointment. I did what I could to make them understand what I was experiencing. I sent links to articles, I found memes that expressed my feelings in ways that I couldn’t, I tried to explain things as best I could. 

It didn’t help. 

It made my feelings of grief and loss that much deeper.

I didn’t know my audience.

I was trying to get support and empathy from people who were unable to provide it the way I needed.

While on my soul-searching journey, it has become apparent that I can’t expect others to be there for me the way I need them to. Even if I tell them exactly what I need and give them every resource available to understand me, they have to make the decision to use the information. I can’t force them. I have no control over their actions.

Their inability to support me isn’t about me. In many cases, it may be a sign of their own neglected and unhealed trauma. Maybe they don’t have the capacity for sympathy and empathy. Maybe they just don’t care.

No matter what the reason, I have to be there for myself.

This doesn’t make my friends and family bad people. It just means I have to change my expectations. I have to accept them for who they are and what they have to offer — even if it’s nothing.

I have to know my audience and share accordingly. If that means I keep my feelings to myself, so be it. If they are truly interested in knowing what’s going on and I feel safe, I can share my innermost issues.

I spent a lot of time trying to force others to see me for who I am, and it led to exhaustion, stress, anxiety, and resentment. I’m done. I will accept others for who they truly are and not who I want or need them to be, with the understanding that may mean I won’t interact with them as often.

In my writing world, my stories aren’t for everyone, and I don’t try to force someone who doesn’t want to read them to read them. I’m learning that the same is true for my life as well. It’s tough and painful, but knowing my audience will eventually lead me to finding those who accept and support me for who I truly am.

Finding Me

 Photo by Geran de Klerk on Unsplash

For a long time, I let other people define me. I would attempt to figure out what they expected of me, and then act accordingly. I wanted so badly to feel like I belonged and I was part of the group, I would change who I was just to fit in.

As a people pleaser, I got my definition and validation from how people viewed me. It would devastate me if someone didn’t like me. I would go out of my way to make things right and to ensure that they had a good view of me.

Because I was letting others define who I was, I believed them when they told me I was selfish, or a bad writer, or terrible at editing, or embarrassing. Along with the good came all the bad, and I took it all in and let it dictate who I was.

Within the last few months, my family suffered loss. During this time, it became clear that the way I was living, the desire to get my validation and definition from others, wasn’t sustainable. I lost a huge part of my support system as they worked through their own problems and their own grief. I was left alone.

Last year, when my anxiety and depression were at their worst, I did a lot of reading. There were a lot of self-help books in my TBR pile. If there was one thing that all of them had in common, it was that I had to depend on me.

You see, there are inherent flaws that occur when I let others determine who I am. First, I had to guess what they expected of me. Sure, they may have told me at some point in time that they needed me to do certain things or act in a certain way, but they never came right out and said, “This is who you should be.” Thus, I was guessing. I was making an assumption about what I thought they wanted.

We all know what assuming does: it makes an ass out of you and me. There’s absolutely no way I can ever know what a person truly thinks of me or what they expect of me. In addition, everyone I encountered would want or need something different.

This is an incredibly exhausting way to live. Constantly changing to meet the different wants and needs of other people left me stressed out and tired. It took a toll on my health, contributed to my anxiety and depression. It left me feeling hollow and unfulfilled.

I want to stress that there is a difference between being kind to someone and helping them out with what I was doing. I needed them to like me, otherwise I felt like I wasn’t a person. I needed to know I was loved and valuable, and I would do whatever I could to get that from others.

They can’t give that to me.

While my support system was going through their issues, I did the best I could to be there for them. I sent words of encouragement and kept my problems to myself. I was there when they needed me and did what they asked.

But I also learned something along the way. I learned how to depend on myself. I learned that no matter what the world throws at me and how tough things get, I have to be there to get myself through.

All of the self-help reading I did about having faith in myself and finding happiness within became clear. While there’s nothing wrong with being connected to others and having relationships, they shouldn’t define who I am. They aren’t the ones who validate my existence. Only I can do that.

No one else can solve my problems for me, only I can do that. No one else can tell me I matter, only I can do that.

Having this revelation was at once freeing and frightening. It had been a long time since I’d been in touch with the real me, I didn’t know who I was anymore.

To find out, I withdrew. I put up walls. I cut off contact.

I had a lot to learn about what was going on in my head and my heart, and I needed to be alone to do it. I’m still trying to figure things out and where I fit in the world. It’s hard. It’s scary. But it’s also freeing.

I still worry about what others think about me, but it doesn’t keep me up at night like it used to. I can let things go and don’t worry so much about looking like a fool or being selfish or bad. I’m honestly getting to the point where I don’t care. Parts of the true me are finding their way to the surface, and I like what I see.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not going out of my way to be mean or rude to others. I’m still the nice person I always was, but I don’t feel the need to make people like me. If I’m having a conversation with someone and they don’t seem interested, I don’t struggle to find a topic they might enjoy. I just let things go. If I don’t want to hang out with people, I don’t. There isn’t an unrelenting drive inside that says I have to be around people to be of value.

The road is long and there’s a lot of history to deal with. While I can’t change anything from the past, I can learn from it—and learning I am. If there’s one thing I can take from this whole thing it’s that when I finally decide who I am and who I want to be, I’m going to be amazing. 

Healing Takes Time

It hasn’t been a secret that last year was incredibly difficult for me. I went through a lot with anxiety and depression. At the beginning of this year, I was looking for and finding ways to get through and cope. But with anything in life, no plan is fool proof.

One of the things that makes us human is our ability to feel. We have such a huge range of emotions, and they impact how we face our day and what we think about ourselves. Some days we are on top of the world, others we want to hide from it, and on some occasions we want to burn it down.

All of these are normal and okay to feel. We have to have the bad to know when things are good. We have to be angry to know what will make us smile. We have to have sad to know what will make us happy.

The journey I’m on isn’t an easy one. There are a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, good and bad emotions. Everyone goes through this in life. The true test is how we come out on the other side. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like there will be another side.

I’ve gotten a lot of coping skills in the past year, and I think I’ve done a great job of figuring out who I am and how to get through challenges. But it’s still a learning process. There are still things that can knock me down, and I have to figure out how to pull myself back up. It’s hard. It takes time.

No one heals in a day, no matter what the injury. Sometimes, it runs so deep, a person may not heal at all, but they learn to live with the scar. I’m still trying to figure out how to live. I’m still working on my sh*t. I show up everyday and do the best I can. Some days are much harder than others.

I hope for all you struggling through your own issues, you continue to show up every day and do the best that you can.  Know that I sympathize with you, that I know how challenging each day can be. I see you. I’m right there with you. We’ve got this!

The Different Manifestations of Anxiety

Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas from Pexels

Anxiety doesn’t always manifest as extreme worry and/or fear—although it certain can. It comes in many different forms. Sometimes, those forms could include chronic pain, headaches, irritability, or shutting down.

For me, I’ve noticed that in addition to having excessive worry and fear, I will be incredibly quick to anger. In most cases, this will be directed at anyone who happens to be in my path. Family, friends, strangers—it doesn’t matter. If I’m having an attack, I will attack.

The toughest part about anxiety in these forms is I don’t often realize I’m anxious until later, sometimes days down the road. Since anxiety and stress can be so closely tied together, I will often be stressed and angry and anxious. This, in turn, leads to insomnia, so I will be stressed, angry, anxious, and super tired. Sometimes, when I’m super tired, I also get extremely emotional. I’m sure you can imagine how super fun I am to be around during these times.

One of the hardest things about having anxiety show up in one of these other forms is recognizing that it’s anxiety. After all, stress can cause a person to be angry. Being tired can lead to irritability. Stress can also lead to sleeplessness, and not getting enough rest can make a person hurt, both physically and emotionally.

So how do you know it’s anxiety and not one of these other ailments?

More than likely, you’ll have to look at the underlying cause of why you feel the way you feel. That’s how I know if my issues are tied to anxiety or other causes. That’s often why it takes me a few days to figure out that my emotional outbursts were actually anxiety.

I’m doing my best to get in tune and understand me as a person and my emotions. Even then, I still have moments of anger, stress, anxiety, and all of the other emotions in between. I’m learning that that’s okay. I’m still human, so I experience the range of feelings.

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

When it comes to my anxiety and how it manifests, that’s still a learning process. I’m still figuring out my triggers, too. All of this is incredibly important to help me cope and manage the variety of ways that anxiety can manifest.

In addition to anger, worry, and fear, sometimes my anxiety will shut me down. I’ll feel incredibly overwhelmed and I can’t deal with it, so I don’t. I get super tired, my mind goes “Nope,” and I sit and veg in front of the TV. This probably can also be tied to depression, but don’t forget that anxiety and depression often go hand in hand.

No matter how my anxiety manifests, I’ve learned that sometimes I just have to go with it. I know that to understand exactly what’s bothering me, I ride the wave. If that means I have to be angry, then I take some time to be angry. If I need to shut down, then I shut down.

At some point, all of these moments will fade and I’ll be able to look back with clarity at what was going on. It may take a few days or weeks or years, but looking back and learning from the experience is incredibly beneficial. Sometimes, I’ll reach out to a friend or family member and talk to them about what’s happening. Having an outside perspective can be so helpful.

When it comes to anxiety, there’s no one-size-fits-all way it manifests or impacts a person. That can make it challenging to recognize exactly what’s going on. By looking deeper and remembering my strengths, I can overcome any obstacle that gets in my way. I know you can too.

Anxiety and Physical Symptoms

 Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash

In my pursuit to understand and overcome my anxiety, I’ve learned a lot. This issue that impacts millions of people worldwide goes way beyond uncontrollable and random worry and fear. It can affect all systems throughout the body, including how I experience pain.

For those who suffer from anxiety, you know all too well the stomachaches, nausea, and headaches that come with the worry and fear. You’ve probably also experienced rapid heartbeats, sweating, dizziness, and muscle shakes. But did you know that chronic pain could also be a symptom of anxiety?

Now, when it comes to chronic pain, it can be a chicken and egg type of argument. Fear of being in agony can absolutely cause anxiety, but anxiety can also cause pain. This is often referred to as psychosomatic pain.

It took me along time to discover this connection between my anxiety and chronic pain, and I actually stumbled upon it during one of my thinking sessions.

Side note: I spend a lot of time in my mind. It’s part of my personality and how I make sense of the world.

During this session, I was contemplating my back pain. When I was in junior high, I was practicing dives off the side of the pool, and I scorpioned myself. Since then, I’ve had issues. Fast forward to today, and I’ve been diagnosed with arthritis in both my SI joints, arthritis in three sets of facet joints, a herniated disc, and slight scoliosis.

I’ve had cortisone shots in my back on two occasions and done countless hours of physical therapy.

Long story short, my back is f*cked up.

But since moving to Nebraska, I haven’t experienced as much discomfort. Don’t get me wrong: I still have pain. I know when a storm is blowing in. I know when I’ve sat for too long. I know when I’ve slept wrong. But I don’t have a pressing need to get shots to relieve my pain or go to PT.

However, other issues and pains have cropped up in its place. I tore my calf muscle, which is incredibly painful, but before it was diagnosed as a tear, my brain convinced me that I had messed up my ACL or MCL or had developed a blood clot. I went to PT to relieve some of the discomfort. Long after the muscle was healed, my leg continued to ache.

I developed pain in the ball of my foot. After writing an article for my day job, I was convinced I had nerve damage in my foot—that I got pushing in the clutch on my Jeep. It would get so bad that I could barely walk. I had a doctor’s appointment but cancelled because life got in the way (we ended up traveling for the holidays, so I wouldn’t be able to make the appointment; I planned on rescheduling but never did).

It was after this that I started tracking my pain. What I found was that it would wax and wane as my anxiety increased or decreased. When I started diving deeper into the causes of my anxiety, it became apparent that each pain was a physical manifestation of an emotional discord.

Depending on what was bothering me or what issue was forefront in my mind, a pain somewhere in my body would accompany it. Headaches have always been common, but there can also be issues elsewhere. Right now, I’m experiencing pains in my ear. (Well, not right now, right now, but currently.)

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels 

The mind is such an amazing thing. It can take a thought or emotion and create a physical sensation. It can take a negative aspect like anxiety, which can be incredibly debilitating, and make it even worse. As if the mental anguish wasn’t enough, it then physically finds a way to hold you down.

At first, this discovery was difficult for me to deal with. I could barely handle the mental and emotional side of anxiety; the physical impact was going to take me out.

But then, I found strength in the epiphany. I realized that if I continued down the path I was on, I was going to be taken down. I was going to lose myself to every aspect of pain—both physical and emotional.

Sitting down and scrutinizing my thoughts and my pain has helped me work through my anxiety and depression. Getting to the root cause isn’t pleasant. It can be incredibly tough to face these issues, to realize the depths of the things that bother you and impact you. But it’s also freeing. Once you get to the root, you can work through the issue. You can find the strength to forgive and let go. You can finally move on and get rid of the pain.

Understand that I’m not saying anxiety is the only cause of my pain. I’ve suffered injuries that are painful and have long-lasting implications. What I’m saying is that my mind has the ability to take existing pain and make it worlds worse. But it doesn’t have to be in control.

If you suffer from anxiety and chronic pain, I encourage you to look deeper into the cause. It will be dark; it will be scary. But it may also be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

Writing and Depression

Writing and depression go hand in hand. There’s a long history of writers being plagued by mental health issues, which contributes to them being brilliant creatives but tragic figures. There’s this notion that if you suffer from some kind of mental health issue, you’re destined to be a great writer.

On the other hand, there’s also this idea that writing can help alleviate some of the symptoms of depression. In this case, you’re encouraged to keep a journal so that you can keep track of things that trigger your depression and find a creative outlet to deal with it. Writing can be a way to cope with negative emotions and improve overall health.

I’m a writer. I also have depression. I also deal with anxiety. Writing has helped me deal with my inner issues, and it absolutely gives me a creative outlet for the worst-case scenarios that course through my mind when my anxiety runs rampant. However, as much as depression helps me write, it can also hinder my writing.

Anyone who has suffered from depression knows that it’s not only an overwhelming sadness that overtakes you, there are physical issues that accompany depression. Depression can cause issues such as extreme exhaustion to pain to lack of interest in daily activities—including writing. When these symptoms take hold, it’s incredibly difficult to find the energy or desire to do anything.

Writing can be an incredible outlet for depression and allow the writer to release and deal with a lot of things that goes on in their mind, but it can also drain away any desire to put words on the page. This, in turn, can start a vicious cycle.

If you’re a writer like me, you are compelled to write. It’s more than a desire, it’s a necessity. You feel bad when you can’t create worlds and characters—like part of your soul is withering. But when depression has you in it’s control, even if the desire is there, you don’t have the energy, which then leads you to feeling guilty. This, of course, can make you feel worse.

Being able to write means you have to be in the right frame of mind. You have to be able to let your mind block out all distractions and delve wholly and completely into the world you’re creating. It’s incredibly hard to do that when the distractions come from inside your own mind.

When you’re depressed, it sometimes feels like your thoughts aren’t your own, that you have no control over what runs through your mind. If you have no control over them, you can’t stop them to write. Sometimes you regain control, but sometimes you don’t.

At times, writing can cause depression. The publishing world is becoming more and more competitive and is being flooded with millions of books every year, so it’s hard to get noticed. Rejections and bad reviews are par for the course in publishing, but they can weigh you down and make you question whether or not you should be writing—which leads back to the issue of needing to write. It can be difficult to deal with these emotions.

Every so often, we all need a break. We need to take some time to step back and look at what we’ve done and what we’re doing and decide if it’s right for us. When depression sets in and knocks you down for the count, it’s okay to take a moment to recuperate. If that moment means you need to sleep in and binge watch shows, then do it. If that moment means you need to write furiously about what is going on in your mind, then do it.

Writing and depression go hand in hand, and some of the best stories have been created by authors who have been plunged into dark places. Writing can be great therapy, but depression can overtake any desire to be creative. When it comes down to it, you need to do what is best for you and take the road that is going to make you feel better. The most important thing is how you feel and making sure you’re doing what’s best for you.

Life Changes in the Blink of an Eye

For the past few months, I’ve been struggling to find time to do anything besides work. Then, like that, I have nothing but time. So what have I been doing with my new-found time?

Well, I go through a range of emotions on a daily basis—from anger to sadness to hurt to annoyed to worried to acceptance—sometimes in multiple cycles. I’m trying to stay optimistic and look at the bright side, but it’s been difficult to do. I worry a lot about what the future is going to bring.

One of the things I’ve done to try and cope with the situation is look at it like a rejection. As an author, I’m used to getting rejections. I’m used to people telling me no. While it’s distressing for a while, it usually motivates me to pick myself up and move on. I can mourn the rejection and be upset by it, but it doesn’t define me. It’s not who I am, and it drives me to prove that I can be so much better.

It helps looking at it from this perspective, but my self-confidence and self-worth have been shaken. My pride has been wounded.

I’m not one to sit around and do nothing, but there’s only so much I can do right now. I’m doing what I can and hoping for the best. If you want to send some good juju my way, I’ll happily take it.

So far, I’ve gotten up every morning and worked out, then showered and got on the computer. I’m trying to keep a schedule so I don’t fall into a funk. I feel like I should take this time to clean parts of my house that never get cleaned, but I’m working up to that.

Since I have so much time on my hands, I’ve been able to get through edits for Humanity’s Hope and get those sent back to the editor. It felt good to do something productive. Perhaps I can use that momentum to make up for the last few months and get some more writing done. Perhaps this is a good time to look into marketing and PR.

Above all else, I need to keep my head up and realize that this doesn’t define me. Rejection of any sort doesn’t define me; it only makes me stronger and more determined. Sure, it’s tough and I might cry every so often, but I can’t give up.

“Everything Happens for a Reason”

I’ve never been a fan of this saying. It always felt so passive to me. Like I was resolving myself to whatever had happened or was going to happen.

But I think I was looking at it wrong.

Unfortunately, things happen in life that we don’t have any control over. We can’t stop the sun from rising and setting, and bad and good things will occur on a daily basis. But we don’t have to watch it happen passively. We have a choice in how we act and react to the situation. In the end, we might not be able to change anything, but we can do what is best for us.

I’m not talking about the election in this post. While I know that will be the focus of the next few days (weeks or perhaps even months), my focus is on a much smaller, more selfish scale. I can’t change what happened with the presidency. The only thing I can do anything about is my own life.

Life is tough. It throws us curve balls and tests our will. It pushes us down over and over and over again. But the true test is whether we get back up. Sometimes, the fight isn’t worth it. We don’t always have to be able to face the challenge. Sometimes we don’t have the energy or the means. And that’s okay. We’re not going to win every battle. The older I get, the more I realize that it’s important to pick my battles and do what I can to make a difference in my life.

I try to be the best person I can be and instill those values in my kids. I try to make my small part of the world what I want it to be. Right now, my goal is to be happy. It’s been a long road full of bumps and detours and the world crashing down on me, but now I have an opportunity to change. I think this is where the above saying comes into play. I think this is my sign to be spurred into action. It’s my chance to find something better and rediscover what it means for me to be happy. Will it be easy? No. Will there be challenges and worries and stress along the way? Of course. But I’m going to do what I can.

On a lighter note, I’ve been working on edits to Humanity’s Hope. The other day, I was at the point with corrections where I was like, “This isn’t half bad. Maybe I’m not a terrible writer!” It’s helps to have an amazing editor make suggestions on how the book can be better.

I don’t know when the book will be out—more than likely it won’t be before the end of the year—but I’m getting that much closer. I’m working toward the end. It’s a great feeling, and it helps me feel accomplished. 

The Emotional Roller Coaster that is Writing

This is something I’ve talked about before, but I feel it bears repeating. Being an author is an emotional roller coaster ride. It is filled with highs and lows, and both of them can be extreme. But how do you cope when you’re in one of these moments?

Every author has their moment of being on top of the world. Whether it’s getting their book accepted by a publisher, reaching a certain amount of sales, or perhaps even getting a movie deal, something will happen at some time to make the author feel invincible. And this high can last for a long time—days, months, years, even. When things are going well, it’s easy to be inspired and motivated. I know that readers are waiting for my work, so I go out of my way to get it to them.

When things aren’t going so well, when it’s a low period, it’s harder to find that motivation and inspiration. This low can come in many forms: rejections, a bad review, sales not going as well as planned, whatever. If you’re like me, it just might be a cycle of your writing. Some days I’m highly motivated, others I’m not. On those other days, I might feel guilty about not getting any writing done, which pushes me into a low.

Getting through these times is a bit trickier. There doesn’t seem to be anything out there that inspires or motivates me. In fact, most things just end up pissing me off and making me wonder why I’m writing at all. So how do I push through?

I’m going to be honest: I don’t always push through. Recently, I’ve been in a low cycle. I’ve sat down numerous times to work on a story, and nothing comes. I can’t put words on the paper. So I don’t. I do something else. I pick up a book or watch TV or hang out with my kids. Sure, I feel bad about not writing, which then upsets me and I think that I’ll never write another book in my life and I’ll just fade into obscurity but what does it matter because no one reads my books anyway...and on and on.

But if nothing’s there to write, why force it? And I think that’s the important thing to remember. Writing for me is supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be an escape. I’ve made peace with the fact long ago that I was never going to get rich off my stories. I’ve known for a while that I won’t find an agent and get published by a big house—and I’m fine with that. I’ve re-evaluated what it means to me to be successful.

However, when writing stops being fun, that’s when I need to take a step back. Highs and lows will happen no matter what. I’m an author, I’m an emotional and passionate person, and those emotional swings are exhausting. When I get tired, I need to take time to re-energize and recoup.

It’s okay to take a break from writing. It’s okay to be sad during the low times. But always keep in mind that they won’t last forever—just like the high times won’t. And I’m not going to say to keep the high times in mind, to remember how fantastic they sure, because, yes, they were wonderful and fantastic and amazing, but if you’re like me, when they aren’t there, it can be even more depressing. If you’re like me, you might think they are never coming back. I absolutely appreciate the high times and I hope to have more in the future, but sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.

Through it all, however, I am always grateful the for friends, readers, and fans that I have. Without you, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today.

In the end, I’m the one who has to decide how to move forward. I’m the one who decides how deeply the highs and lows will affect me. The most important thing to remember is that I have to do what is best for me and what makes me the happiest.

How do you make it through the highs and lows?