Life is getting crazy busy with the holidays and the end of the year approaching, so I'm going to take a break for a bit.
Until I come back, feel free to find me on Facebook (I mainly post pictures of my dogs) or check out my stories on Wattpad.
Showing posts with label wattpad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wattpad. Show all posts
The Consequences of Coerced Evolution
I’ve been busy for the past several months. I had a story rattling around in my brain, so I decided to write it down. After doing some edits, I then decided to share it with the world.
My latest urban fantasy story, The Consequences of Coerced Evolution, is now available for consumption on Wattpad.
Like with The Art of Tearing Down Houses, I’m trying something new with this one. I didn’t want to go the regular publishing route, mainly because I don’t have the time or desire to put myself through that process.
I’m going to do another blog post with more of an explanation about this.
Until then, I hope you check out the story and offer some feedback on what you think. I’d really appreciate it.
Here’s what the story is about:
Evi was born into high expectations, but she found herself unable to live up to the standards. Cast out, she wondered if she’d ever feel loved and accepted again.
Then, she met Liam.
Falling for him was easy. His good looks drew her in, and his kindness kept her wanting more. Being in his presence brought about feelings of comfort and familiarity, and Evi wasn’t about to let those go.
But she isn’t the only one who is awed by what Liam has to offer.
Dark forces have taken an interest in Liam and want to use him for their own nefarious plans. Evi might very well be the key to Liam’s salvation, but she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to take on the task. If she fails, she won’t be the only one who gets destroyed. Worlds might fall with her.
Here’s a taste of what you’ll find within the “pages”:
Evika’s fingers turned white as she tightened her grip on the inside of her forearm. Pain burned through her extremity. She knew what came next, and she didn’t want to see it, but she couldn’t pull her eyes away from her limb. It started slow, with just a trickle of red-black liquid that oozed from between her fingers. Then, it gained momentum, and the trickles turned into rivers. White lights flashed at the edges of her vision, her breathing came in rasps. She thought she heard someone call her name, but the rush of blood in her ears made it impossible for her to tell.
Her body jostled, weakening her grip on her arm. With spastic movements, she tried to grip her limb again, but her fingers slipped on the blood. Her vision blurred, and the color green rushed toward her face. Unable to stop the progress, she pitched forward. The green was replaced by black.
A soft, rhythmic clicking penetrated into Evika’s ears, making her aware of the darkness. She blinked—or she thought she did—attempting to clear her vision to figure out where she was. It didn’t help. Darkness continued to engulf her, but the clicking gave her something to cling to. She strained to focus her hearing on the sound, hoping it would pull her back into the world. The sound grew slightly louder, then faded altogether. Panic gripped Evika’s chest. Without the sound, how would she ever find her way back to where she’d been? She attempted to sit up, only to realize that she couldn’t feel her body. Hopelessness and despair replaced the panic, as did the slightest hint of fear.
“She…come…okay.”
A faint, choppy voice penetrated into Evika’s skull, pulling her out of her misery and giving her something else to cling to.
“Not…worried about.”
Another voice, another tether to a realm that wasn’t a deep void.
“...not the first time…too many mistakes…liability.”
A warning bell went off in Evika’s brain, and she realized that clinging to these voices wasn’t going to be her salvation. She had to get away from them, pretend she hadn’t heard them, but where could she go? She was already lost with nothing else to strive for. If only she had access to her body; then she could turn away and escape her fate.
“I…no…want her here.”
The despair that Evika had felt before engulfed her, like a thick, heavy blanket that settled over her body and threatened to suffocate her. Part of her brain wanted to scream out, to fight the decree, but the other part had resolved itself to its fate. That part turned into the darkness and reached out its arms to embrace it. Right before she slipped back under, Evika thought for sure she had felt a tear land on her cheek.
White light penetrated into Evika’s eyelids. With reluctance, she squeezed her eyes tighter shut, as if that would somehow make the brightness go away. When it didn’t, she attempted to roll over, only to find that action thwarted as well. Pain radiated through her body, causing an involuntary groan to escape from her lips. Surprise washed through her as she became aware that she once again had access to her body. With effort, she attempted to crack open an eye.
Whiteness flooded her vision, causing a spike of pain to stab through her head. She closed her eye once again, and the shooting pain dulled into a throbbing ache. Taking a deep breath, she counted to 10 before attempting to open her eye once again. The whiteness flooded back in, as did the pain, but after a few seconds, blurry, dark shapes materialized in her line of sight. She couldn’t make out what they were, but she knew they were inanimate objects that wouldn’t hurt her. At about that same time, sound entered her ears; the soft wooshing of an oxygen machine, as well as voices somewhere in the distance.
More sensations crept into her body. A cool breeze touched her left arm, a mattress cradled her body. Plastic pressed against her nose, and when she lifted her hand to find out what it was, she felt the roundness of oxygen tubing. Her vision continued to clear, and the shadows became more distinct. It didn’t take long for Evika to realize that she was in a hospital room. She attempted to sit up, but her body refused to cooperate, and pain flooded through her. She laid back down with a grunt.
A soft squeak filled her ears, followed by the rolling scrape of metal beads against a metal rod. The curtain around her bed was pulled back, revealing a young woman with dark hair secured in a bun wearing purple scrubs. When her eyes met Evika’s, she took an involuntary step back.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t think you’d be awake.” Professionalism took over at that moment, and she moved forward with a purpose. She grabbed the remote to the bed and lifted the top so that Evika sat in a more upright position.
“How are you feeling?”
Evika tried to answer, but her tongue felt too large for her mouth.
“Let me get you some water.” She reached around behind the bed and grabbed a cup with a straw.
The cool water instantly relieved the swelling in Evika’s tongue, but she still wasn’t convinced she could talk. Not that it mattered. The nurse didn’t seem to have any more questions, and instead pulled the tray from the side of the bed and moved it so that it went across Evika’s midsection. She set the cup on the surface, along with the TV remote and the controller for the bed.
“Push the button if you need anything. The doctor will be in shortly to check up on you.” The woman turned on her heel and closed the curtain with a metallic whoosh as she stepped out of the room.
With her vision completely clear, Evika took in her body. The blankets from the bed were pulled up to her chest, covering the thin, scratchy hospital gown that she was dressed in. Her left arm was beneath the covers, keeping time with her heartbeat. She stared at the lump her arm made beneath the blanket, wondering if she truly wanted to pull it out and survey the damage, then decided to get the moment over with.
Evika wasn’t sure what she had expected to see, but before her was a bright white bandage that covered her from wrist to elbow and had been secured with surgical tape. The movement caused pain to shoot through her arm, and she laid her limb on the bed and turned away. She squeezed her eyes shut, and every ache and pain in her body became apparent. She felt the edge of the bruise that had formed on her right shoulder blade. Her knees ached from where they had slammed into the ground. Her low back was on fire from bending and contorting to counteract the lunges and advances of her opponent. Her head throbbed from the blow that knocked her enough off balance for her attacker to move in for the fateful attack.
She opened her eyes and let them fall once again onto the bandage on her arm. With slow, deliberate movements, she reached forward and touched the surface with her other hand. Her pink fingers trembled. The covering felt slick and soft beneath her fingertips. She held her breath, but when she could no longer deny her lungs oxygen, she let out a heaving sigh that was followed by streams of tears.
No matter how much she wanted to deny it, she couldn’t. The bandage, the nurse, the hospital room—it all pointed to one thing. She’d been banished. She’d failed. The scar that would forever adorn her arm would mark her shame. She should have seen it coming. She should have known she wasn’t ready. But she hadn’t had a choice. She had been expected to prove herself. She’d never get the chance to overcome this defeat.
Evika let her fingers slip from the bandage. She leaned her head back against the pillow, letting her gaze drift up to the tiled ceiling. She let the tears flow until they clouded her vision, then she squeezed her eyes shut and begged the darkness to once again overtake her.
My latest urban fantasy story, The Consequences of Coerced Evolution, is now available for consumption on Wattpad.
Like with The Art of Tearing Down Houses, I’m trying something new with this one. I didn’t want to go the regular publishing route, mainly because I don’t have the time or desire to put myself through that process.
I’m going to do another blog post with more of an explanation about this.
Until then, I hope you check out the story and offer some feedback on what you think. I’d really appreciate it.
Here’s what the story is about:
Evi was born into high expectations, but she found herself unable to live up to the standards. Cast out, she wondered if she’d ever feel loved and accepted again.
Then, she met Liam.
Falling for him was easy. His good looks drew her in, and his kindness kept her wanting more. Being in his presence brought about feelings of comfort and familiarity, and Evi wasn’t about to let those go.
But she isn’t the only one who is awed by what Liam has to offer.
Dark forces have taken an interest in Liam and want to use him for their own nefarious plans. Evi might very well be the key to Liam’s salvation, but she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to take on the task. If she fails, she won’t be the only one who gets destroyed. Worlds might fall with her.
Here’s a taste of what you’ll find within the “pages”:
PROLOGUE
Evika’s fingers turned white as she tightened her grip on the inside of her forearm. Pain burned through her extremity. She knew what came next, and she didn’t want to see it, but she couldn’t pull her eyes away from her limb. It started slow, with just a trickle of red-black liquid that oozed from between her fingers. Then, it gained momentum, and the trickles turned into rivers. White lights flashed at the edges of her vision, her breathing came in rasps. She thought she heard someone call her name, but the rush of blood in her ears made it impossible for her to tell.
Her body jostled, weakening her grip on her arm. With spastic movements, she tried to grip her limb again, but her fingers slipped on the blood. Her vision blurred, and the color green rushed toward her face. Unable to stop the progress, she pitched forward. The green was replaced by black.
A soft, rhythmic clicking penetrated into Evika’s ears, making her aware of the darkness. She blinked—or she thought she did—attempting to clear her vision to figure out where she was. It didn’t help. Darkness continued to engulf her, but the clicking gave her something to cling to. She strained to focus her hearing on the sound, hoping it would pull her back into the world. The sound grew slightly louder, then faded altogether. Panic gripped Evika’s chest. Without the sound, how would she ever find her way back to where she’d been? She attempted to sit up, only to realize that she couldn’t feel her body. Hopelessness and despair replaced the panic, as did the slightest hint of fear.
“She…come…okay.”
A faint, choppy voice penetrated into Evika’s skull, pulling her out of her misery and giving her something else to cling to.
“Not…worried about.”
Another voice, another tether to a realm that wasn’t a deep void.
“...not the first time…too many mistakes…liability.”
A warning bell went off in Evika’s brain, and she realized that clinging to these voices wasn’t going to be her salvation. She had to get away from them, pretend she hadn’t heard them, but where could she go? She was already lost with nothing else to strive for. If only she had access to her body; then she could turn away and escape her fate.
“I…no…want her here.”
The despair that Evika had felt before engulfed her, like a thick, heavy blanket that settled over her body and threatened to suffocate her. Part of her brain wanted to scream out, to fight the decree, but the other part had resolved itself to its fate. That part turned into the darkness and reached out its arms to embrace it. Right before she slipped back under, Evika thought for sure she had felt a tear land on her cheek.
White light penetrated into Evika’s eyelids. With reluctance, she squeezed her eyes tighter shut, as if that would somehow make the brightness go away. When it didn’t, she attempted to roll over, only to find that action thwarted as well. Pain radiated through her body, causing an involuntary groan to escape from her lips. Surprise washed through her as she became aware that she once again had access to her body. With effort, she attempted to crack open an eye.
Whiteness flooded her vision, causing a spike of pain to stab through her head. She closed her eye once again, and the shooting pain dulled into a throbbing ache. Taking a deep breath, she counted to 10 before attempting to open her eye once again. The whiteness flooded back in, as did the pain, but after a few seconds, blurry, dark shapes materialized in her line of sight. She couldn’t make out what they were, but she knew they were inanimate objects that wouldn’t hurt her. At about that same time, sound entered her ears; the soft wooshing of an oxygen machine, as well as voices somewhere in the distance.
More sensations crept into her body. A cool breeze touched her left arm, a mattress cradled her body. Plastic pressed against her nose, and when she lifted her hand to find out what it was, she felt the roundness of oxygen tubing. Her vision continued to clear, and the shadows became more distinct. It didn’t take long for Evika to realize that she was in a hospital room. She attempted to sit up, but her body refused to cooperate, and pain flooded through her. She laid back down with a grunt.
A soft squeak filled her ears, followed by the rolling scrape of metal beads against a metal rod. The curtain around her bed was pulled back, revealing a young woman with dark hair secured in a bun wearing purple scrubs. When her eyes met Evika’s, she took an involuntary step back.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t think you’d be awake.” Professionalism took over at that moment, and she moved forward with a purpose. She grabbed the remote to the bed and lifted the top so that Evika sat in a more upright position.
“How are you feeling?”
Evika tried to answer, but her tongue felt too large for her mouth.
“Let me get you some water.” She reached around behind the bed and grabbed a cup with a straw.
The cool water instantly relieved the swelling in Evika’s tongue, but she still wasn’t convinced she could talk. Not that it mattered. The nurse didn’t seem to have any more questions, and instead pulled the tray from the side of the bed and moved it so that it went across Evika’s midsection. She set the cup on the surface, along with the TV remote and the controller for the bed.
“Push the button if you need anything. The doctor will be in shortly to check up on you.” The woman turned on her heel and closed the curtain with a metallic whoosh as she stepped out of the room.
With her vision completely clear, Evika took in her body. The blankets from the bed were pulled up to her chest, covering the thin, scratchy hospital gown that she was dressed in. Her left arm was beneath the covers, keeping time with her heartbeat. She stared at the lump her arm made beneath the blanket, wondering if she truly wanted to pull it out and survey the damage, then decided to get the moment over with.
Evika wasn’t sure what she had expected to see, but before her was a bright white bandage that covered her from wrist to elbow and had been secured with surgical tape. The movement caused pain to shoot through her arm, and she laid her limb on the bed and turned away. She squeezed her eyes shut, and every ache and pain in her body became apparent. She felt the edge of the bruise that had formed on her right shoulder blade. Her knees ached from where they had slammed into the ground. Her low back was on fire from bending and contorting to counteract the lunges and advances of her opponent. Her head throbbed from the blow that knocked her enough off balance for her attacker to move in for the fateful attack.
She opened her eyes and let them fall once again onto the bandage on her arm. With slow, deliberate movements, she reached forward and touched the surface with her other hand. Her pink fingers trembled. The covering felt slick and soft beneath her fingertips. She held her breath, but when she could no longer deny her lungs oxygen, she let out a heaving sigh that was followed by streams of tears.
No matter how much she wanted to deny it, she couldn’t. The bandage, the nurse, the hospital room—it all pointed to one thing. She’d been banished. She’d failed. The scar that would forever adorn her arm would mark her shame. She should have seen it coming. She should have known she wasn’t ready. But she hadn’t had a choice. She had been expected to prove herself. She’d never get the chance to overcome this defeat.
Evika let her fingers slip from the bandage. She leaned her head back against the pillow, letting her gaze drift up to the tiled ceiling. She let the tears flow until they clouded her vision, then she squeezed her eyes shut and begged the darkness to once again overtake her.
Why Do I Write?
I asked myself this question a few weeks ago. I was doing some soul searching and trying to figure out why I engaged in certain behaviors and actions. The goal was to help me heal from past traumas and figure out the best way to live my life.
When I answered this question, I discovered that I had been writing to create connections with other people.
On the surface, this sounds like a noble reason. I mean, who doesn’t want to create connections?
We’re human. We thrive on being there for one another.
But my reasons actually went deeper than this.
It wasn’t just about connections with readers. It was about being validated. I needed my audience to let me know that I had worth because they enjoyed my stories. If they didn’t understand me or like me, I was wasting my time.
I had visions of becoming best friends with my readers. I imagined that we would spend countless hours chatting about books and life online. They would tell me how wonderful I was, and I would know that I hadn’t wasted my time writing novel after novel.
Perhaps we would even meet in public. They would throw their money at me, which in turn would attract the interest of Hollywood, and then more people would be able to engage with and enjoy my stories.
My entire being became wrapped up in my writing. I did it to give myself meaning, a reason to get out of bed in the morning, a voice that people wanted to listen to. If strangers thought my books were wonderful, their acceptance let me know that I was an amazing and worthy person.
I’ve met many, many extraordinary readers who have enjoyed my stories and have sent me some of the most heartwarming and encouraging messages, but I found myself disillusioned with the process. When I didn’t make millions of dollars on books sales or have directors breaking down my door to turn my works into movies, I felt like a failure.
I felt like I had missed my connections.
I wasn’t being validated for my writing—my existence was meaningless.
So, I retreated. I disappeared from the world. The thought process at the time was that I would show everyone what they were missing. Once I was gone, there would be void. Readers would realize how amazing I truly was and beg me to come back. I would look down on the world and smirk, make them beg for my stories—and for me.
As you can imagine, that wasn’t how it happened. Most of the world didn’t even notice I was gone. A few incredibly kind and caring readers sent me messages, but they didn’t beg for me to keep writing. They didn’t feel the emptiness in their souls.
And they didn’t need to.
I was the one with the empty soul. I was writing for the wrong reasons.
My soul-searching journey is far from over, but I have discovered some truths along the way, some of which have been incredibly hard to deal with. When I discovered that I was writing so that I could be validated and know that I had a place in this world, it became apparent why the practice left me feeling empty and disappointed. There is never enough praise in the world to make me feel like I’ve “made it.”
I won’t lie: there’s something magical about having a reader tell me that they loved my story and that it spoke to them on many different levels. It’s definitely nice to connect in that way. But I can’t expect my readers to validate my existence and to encourage me to keep writing. I’m the only one who can do that.
It took me a long time to come to this conclusion and to find my passion and desire to write again. I had to not only change my thinking about writing, but also my behaviors and actions toward it as well. I may never become a millionaire or see my books turned into movies, but that shouldn’t stop me from writing them.
I probably won’t become best friends with readers and spend hours online talking about how wonderful I am. And that’s okay. I can still create a connection with them. We can still form a bond, and my writing can be the catalyst. But it won’t make or break my desire to write if it doesn’t happen.
Figuring this out was actually incredibly freeing. I’ve one again found joy in creating stories; it no longer feels like a chore.
I’ll continue to write, but I doubt I’ll ever try to publish in the same way I’ve done in the past. I’m okay with putting my stories on Wattpad for readers to read for free. It doesn’t break my heart if no one actually reads them. I don’t need anyone’s approval or validation.
Now when I ask myself why do I write, I can honestly answer: for the sheer joy of it.
The World Has Knocked Me Down
Hello, friends.
You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t been posting for a while. Last year took a huge emotional, physical, and spiritual toll on me. Dealing with three deaths and a divorce pretty much sent me over the edge. Most days, it was all I could do to pull my carcass out of bed. I had no energy to write. I just needed to disappear.
So I did. In a variety of different ways.
Not only did I stop blogging, but I also disappeared from social media. It started with my Twitter account, then eventually I got off Facebook. I just…couldn’t take it anymore.
I don’t want to get into the dirty details of it, but just know that I’ve been taking a hard look at my life and trying to figure things out. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to face some harsh truths about myself and the world, and there are things about me and my life that I’m trying to improve.
All of this is in addition to the anxiety and other mental struggles I’ve been dealing with for the past 2.5 years after moving to Nebraska. With the recent pandemic, things aren’t exactly on an upward swing.
But I’m trying to take some steps.
One of the decisions I came to during this time is that I’m done trying to make money off my books. It wasn’t a super lucrative endeavor in the first place, and I only feel frustrated and like a failure when I check my sales stats.
Looking back at my historical information on Amazon, I always did really well when I gave my books away. Thus, I’m going to offer my stories for free on Wattpad. My paperbacks will still be available for sale on Amazon, but you’ll be able to read the electronic versions free of charge.
I will be uploading the stories individually, and I’ve started with The Appeal of Evil.
As I’ve been uploading the chapters, I have to say that I don’t hate the story. There are some parts that I really like, and I remember how much fun it was to write. I hope that readers will find the same enjoyment reading the story as I did writing it.
By the end of the month, I hope to start uploading my Saving Humanity series. The first two, Humanity’s Hope and Edge of Humanity, are done. I have the next two books, Finding Humanity and Losing Humanity, edited and ready to go, but I’ve been sitting on them for a year. I finished them right about the time I lost my mind.
I now feel ready to share them with the world. There will be at least one more book in the series, and it’s been started, but I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to finish it any time soon.
Right now, I’m just trying to take some small steps to figure out if this is where I really want to be.
You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t been posting for a while. Last year took a huge emotional, physical, and spiritual toll on me. Dealing with three deaths and a divorce pretty much sent me over the edge. Most days, it was all I could do to pull my carcass out of bed. I had no energy to write. I just needed to disappear.
So I did. In a variety of different ways.
Not only did I stop blogging, but I also disappeared from social media. It started with my Twitter account, then eventually I got off Facebook. I just…couldn’t take it anymore.
I don’t want to get into the dirty details of it, but just know that I’ve been taking a hard look at my life and trying to figure things out. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to face some harsh truths about myself and the world, and there are things about me and my life that I’m trying to improve.
All of this is in addition to the anxiety and other mental struggles I’ve been dealing with for the past 2.5 years after moving to Nebraska. With the recent pandemic, things aren’t exactly on an upward swing.
But I’m trying to take some steps.
One of the decisions I came to during this time is that I’m done trying to make money off my books. It wasn’t a super lucrative endeavor in the first place, and I only feel frustrated and like a failure when I check my sales stats.
Looking back at my historical information on Amazon, I always did really well when I gave my books away. Thus, I’m going to offer my stories for free on Wattpad. My paperbacks will still be available for sale on Amazon, but you’ll be able to read the electronic versions free of charge.
I will be uploading the stories individually, and I’ve started with The Appeal of Evil.
As I’ve been uploading the chapters, I have to say that I don’t hate the story. There are some parts that I really like, and I remember how much fun it was to write. I hope that readers will find the same enjoyment reading the story as I did writing it.
By the end of the month, I hope to start uploading my Saving Humanity series. The first two, Humanity’s Hope and Edge of Humanity, are done. I have the next two books, Finding Humanity and Losing Humanity, edited and ready to go, but I’ve been sitting on them for a year. I finished them right about the time I lost my mind.
I now feel ready to share them with the world. There will be at least one more book in the series, and it’s been started, but I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to finish it any time soon.
Right now, I’m just trying to take some small steps to figure out if this is where I really want to be.
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