Why Do I Write?

I asked myself this question a few weeks ago. I was doing some soul searching and trying to figure out why I engaged in certain behaviors and actions. The goal was to help me heal from past traumas and figure out the best way to live my life.

When I answered this question, I discovered that I had been writing to create connections with other people.

On the surface, this sounds like a noble reason. I mean, who doesn’t want to create connections?
We’re human. We thrive on being there for one another.

But my reasons actually went deeper than this.

It wasn’t just about connections with readers. It was about being validated. I needed my audience to let me know that I had worth because they enjoyed my stories. If they didn’t understand me or like me, I was wasting my time.

I had visions of becoming best friends with my readers. I imagined that we would spend countless hours chatting about books and life online. They would tell me how wonderful I was, and I would know that I hadn’t wasted my time writing novel after novel.

Perhaps we would even meet in public. They would throw their money at me, which in turn would attract the interest of Hollywood, and then more people would be able to engage with and enjoy my stories.

My entire being became wrapped up in my writing. I did it to give myself meaning, a reason to get out of bed in the morning, a voice that people wanted to listen to. If strangers thought my books were wonderful, their acceptance let me know that I was an amazing and worthy person.

I’ve met many, many extraordinary readers who have enjoyed my stories and have sent me some of the most heartwarming and encouraging messages, but I found myself disillusioned with the process. When I didn’t make millions of dollars on books sales or have directors breaking down my door to turn my works into movies, I felt like a failure.

I felt like I had missed my connections.

I wasn’t being validated for my writing—my existence was meaningless.

So, I retreated. I disappeared from the world. The thought process at the time was that I would show everyone what they were missing. Once I was gone, there would be void. Readers would realize how amazing I truly was and beg me to come back. I would look down on the world and smirk, make them beg for my stories—and for me.

As you can imagine, that wasn’t how it happened. Most of the world didn’t even notice I was gone. A few incredibly kind and caring readers sent me messages, but they didn’t beg for me to keep writing. They didn’t feel the emptiness in their souls.

And they didn’t need to.

I was the one with the empty soul. I was writing for the wrong reasons.

My soul-searching journey is far from over, but I have discovered some truths along the way, some of which have been incredibly hard to deal with. When I discovered that I was writing so that I could be validated and know that I had a place in this world, it became apparent why the practice left me feeling empty and disappointed. There is never enough praise in the world to make me feel like I’ve “made it.”

I won’t lie: there’s something magical about having a reader tell me that they loved my story and that it spoke to them on many different levels. It’s definitely nice to connect in that way. But I can’t expect my readers to validate my existence and to encourage me to keep writing. I’m the only one who can do that.

It took me a long time to come to this conclusion and to find my passion and desire to write again. I had to not only change my thinking about writing, but also my behaviors and actions toward it as well. I may never become a millionaire or see my books turned into movies, but that shouldn’t stop me from writing them.

I probably won’t become best friends with readers and spend hours online talking about how wonderful I am. And that’s okay. I can still create a connection with them. We can still form a bond, and my writing can be the catalyst. But it won’t make or break my desire to write if it doesn’t happen.

Figuring this out was actually incredibly freeing. I’ve one again found joy in creating stories; it no longer feels like a chore.

I’ll continue to write, but I doubt I’ll ever try to publish in the same way I’ve done in the past. I’m okay with putting my stories on Wattpad for readers to read for free. It doesn’t break my heart if no one actually reads them. I don’t need anyone’s approval or validation.

Now when I ask myself why do I write, I can honestly answer: for the sheer joy of it.

How Do You Find Writing Motivation?

I’ve mentioned multiple times that I’ve been sick for several weeks so I haven’t had the desire or will to write. My brain has been cloudy and I’ve been exhausted, so I’ve spent a lot of time watching TV.

I’m not going to complain about the TV-watching thing. My boys and I have been watching season 1 of Ash vs. Evil Dead, and it’s been awesome! I love all of those movies, and I’m really enjoying the series. I’m every so happy that Netflix has both seasons in their lineup.

However, despite the fun and bonding my boys and I are doing over Deadites, as a writer, I still have a deep-seeded desire to put words on a page. I’ve had ideas running through my brain, but they’ve all seemed horrible and I had no energy to figure out how to make them better. As I regain my health, I regain my desire to write.

Being sick isn’t the only obstacle that stands in a writer’s way; there are many things that pull away from writing or suck away our motivation. Family and job obligations can take precedence. Life can get in the way. Depression can play a major role. Feelings of failure or stress can make it difficult to write.

The world will always attempt to stand in our way when we are trying to achieve our dreams—no matter what those dreams are—and we can either let it stop us or find ways around it. However, sometimes those obstacles can seem really hard to surmount and our motivation can get lost along the way. When this happens, how do fight back?

There is a lot of advice out there to help writers find their motivation . Some of it may work for some, and some of it may not. When it comes to writing, the writer has to find the drive within themselves to get a project done. Each writer is unique when it comes to finding this motivation, and they have to do what works best for them.

For me, a lot of my motivation comes from finding the energy. If I don’t have it, I don’t force it. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, and when I’m sick, I really need a break. I want writing to be fun and stress relieving, so I only pick up a pen and paper when I feel the juices flowing.

What are some other ways you can find the motivation to write? I’d love it if you shared!

Where Do Ideas for a Story Come From?

I think every author in the world through the course of time has been asked this question. I believe that there is a general curiosity among readers to know how the author came up with the amazing story that is on the page. I also think that readers believe there is some sort of magic well authors are able to dip into to draw out their ideas.

The honest—and not incredibly magical truth—is that story ideas come from everywhere. A lot of my stories (Life After the Undead, Finding Eden, and Humanity’s Hope) came from dreams. I had to flesh out the ideas and make them more plausible (so many weird things happen in my dreams that are hard to put on paper!), but the main idea came to me while I was asleep.

Other times, ideas are influenced by other stories and how the world (or I) react to them. Sometimes, something happens in the news that spurs an idea for a story. It’s possible to overhear a conversation in public that will plant the seed for a story.

The point is that there isn’t a magical well that authors go to for ideas. We don’t have special or exclusive access to ideas. However, it’s what an author does with those ideas that makes all the difference.

A good author can take a mundane idea that they get from the news or an overheard conversation and turn it into something magical. The author’s world building and character creation can make the reader believe that this idea was handed to them from above by a creature bathed in an ethereal glow—and that is the real magic.

Ask any author and they’ll tell you that they have dozens of stories that failed because they couldn’t make the idea work. It may have seemed great at the time, but as they put it on the page, it wasn’t as wonderful as they imagined.

Ideas can be found all around us at any given time. As authors, we have to be aware and open to receiving them and knowing what to do with them. We have to know which ideas are going to create a great story and which ones are going to fall flat—and that often comes with trial and error.