I would like to tell you that my reduction of consumption of these materials was based on a conscious effort, but I can’t. Life has gotten incredibly busy, so I don’t have as much time to engage in extracurricular activities.
But does it really matter? Whether purposeful or not, the fact remains that I’m not viewing as much death and destruction, and that could be the reason there is a bit of sun peeking through the dark clouds of my life/attitude.
However, I’m not sure I can completely credit my new outlook solely on the changes in the type of material I’m consuming. There have been other changes in my life as well.
Healing My Wounds
I continue to go through the process of recognizing destructive patterns in my life and healing past traumas. I still dive deeply into my emotions and mind to figure out why I am the way I am. If there is anything in my power to change, I do what I can.
Healing is not an easy process. There is a lot of heartache and hurt when having to admit that some of my actions are toxic or that the people around me may not be good for me.
Change is also challenging. It brings its own set of anxieties and stress that have to be dealt with and overcome.
But going through that discomfort is necessary to get to the other side. I have seen a lot of progress, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come.
I’m convinced that a lot of that healing and trauma work has changed my mindset and added some color to the world. There are still shades of gray, but it’s not as overbearing as it has been in the past.
Don’t worry: I haven’t adopted a “good vibes only” or “positivity rules” mindset. If you read my blog, you know how I feel about those ideas. I still have a healthy dose of cynicism to get me through the day.
What I have done is started looking at the world through the eyes of “haves” instead of “have nots”; thinking about what I “get” to do, rather than what I’m “forced” to do or “can’t” do.
I’ve also been taking a really hard look at what’s going on around me and thinking about what I have control over and how it makes me feel. There are (of course) some things I have to endure, but there are others that I can walk away from or take actions so that I’m as comfortable as possible.
I’m Not an Optimist Yet
Changing my mindset has had an impact on how I view the world. I’m not an optimist yet, but things don’t seem as horrific as they had when I wrote that other blog post. Part of it could be the reduction in dark material, but it could also be moving forward with life as well.
Maybe it’s a little of both.
Maybe it’s just that nothing lasts forever and I’m currently in an upswing.
The only way to know for sure is to add some serial killer and WWII material back into the mix and see how it makes me feel. If I slide back into a dark place, I’ll know my viewing choices were part of the problem.
Of course, that won’t be happening any time soon, as my schedule is still fairly busy. But I will get to it as soon as possible. I noticed there’s a new special on Netflix that focuses on Gacy…
I’m discovering life is all about trial and error. There are no easy answers, and day to day, it’s about finding what works and what doesn’t.
Sometimes, nothing works.
Some days are just craptastic and littered with negative emotions—but that’s okay. Life is full of ups and downs, and getting through means finding a way to ride the waves (or at least not be drowned by them).
I’m in a good place right now, and I’ve been having more good days than bad days. Whether it’s tied to my viewing material or my mindset—or both—it doesn’t really matter. I’m going to enjoy these moments for as long as I can (remember: nothing lasts forever).
Day to day, moment to moment, all I can do is take life as it comes.
I will also continue to do what I can to heal and test different theories to see how they make me feel—because both give me something to do.
I will also continue to do what I can to heal and test different theories to see how they make me feel—because both give me something to do.
