It’s Okay to Feel

Photo from Pixabay

We humans are such complicated creatures. We have been gifted with two traits that allow us to rise above the other animals: our intelligence and our emotions.

Our intelligence has allowed us to mold, shape, and develop the world into a place that works for us and gives us the best opportunity for survival. For the most part, we are not at the mercy of the elements, and we don’t have to struggle day after day to find food or shelter. We even have technological luxuries that keep us entertained and developed advancements to prolong our lives.

With all of our advancements and our gift of superior knowledge, our emotions keep things balanced. They knock us off our pedestal and remind us that despite our knowledge and refinements, we’re still figuring life out.

The vast majority of humans strive for happiness. They want to feel good and smile and know they are secure. There’s nothing wrong with wanting happiness, but it’s a misguided notion. Complete happiness is also impossible to attain.

No matter how hard we try, we cannot escape the other emotions. Anger, sadness, jealousy, and everything in between are part of who we are as humans. Like happiness, there’s nothing wrong with these emotions, but the vast majority of us try to ignore this side of ourselves and deny that we feel what we feel.

In a lot of cases, this becomes incredibly evident when tragedy strikes. We may allow ourselves some time of tears and sadness, but often, before we are ready, we tell ourselves it’s time to move on. We convince ourselves that we have to be strong for others. We shove the negative emotions down deep and tell ourselves and others that we are okay.

This does not make the emotions go away.

Pretending everything is all right doesn’t take us one step closer to happiness or coping.

If we don’t deal with our emotions when they arise, they will manifest in another form.

Oftentimes, we aren’t even aware of this new manifestation of emotions. We may feel isolated—like no one else can possibly understand what we’re going through—and we tell others that we are fine. Yet, we then lash out unnecessarily and uncontrollably. We tell ourselves that it was the other person’s fault because we are coping just fine. They are the problem, not us.

 Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

These actions become self-fulfilling prophecies. By mindlessly and needlessly lashing out at others, we do end up pushing them away and becoming isolated. This, of course, leads to more negative emotions and believing that something is wrong with the world.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. It’s a good life goal to have. But it’s also important to realize that with the light, there has to be the dark. We can’t appreciate one without the other.

We also have to realize that if we feel anything less than happiness, that’s okay. We haven’t failed at life if we are sad or angry. We are human.

When we deny our emotions, we let fear and worry take over our lives. More often than not, we don’t realize this has happened until we wake up one morning and feel different. It is at this moment that we take the time to look back at events and realize we weren’t handling things the way we thought we were.

In some cases, we may have caused a lot of damage—said mean and hurtful things to the people who were trying to help—and it may be impossible to undo those actions.

We humans have been given some amazing gifts, but we don’t always know what to do with them. There is no shame in having emotions, including negative ones, and it doesn’t make us weak to experience them. I repeat: having emotions DOES NOT make us weak. It makes us human.

No one is perfect, and no one is above their emotions. Instead of trying to conquer them, let them be part of who you are—they are anyway. Instead of looking for happiness, strive to be content. It acknowledges that life is full of ups and downs and gives us the ability to accept the good and the bad.

Don’t deny your emotions. Acknowledge them. Let them be heard. Let them run their course. Nothing lasts forever. Not happiness, not anger, not grief, not anxiety. I know it feels like you are losing control through this act, but you’re not. You’re actually gaining a better understanding of yourself and developing strength.

Photo from Pixabay

Thankful for What I Have

The past few weeks have been really tough for me.  The death of my puppy has affected me deeply, but there have been other things that have been going on in my life that I won't go into here.  But through it all, I've been trying to focus on the positive, and here are a few things I've tried to focus on recently.

My family, friends, coworkers, and strangers are amazing.

In my time of need, when I felt like the world was crashing down on me, they were there with a helping hand and loving arms.  They let me know that I wasn't alone and that I had support.  I don't think they'll ever know how much that means to me.

Life is way too short.

I refuse to spend it being miserable, but I also refuse to spend it not feeling.  Life can be tough and unfair and throw sadness, anger, and confusion at me, but I have to take it all in stride.  Without those moments, how can I experience happiness?  It sucks, and going through it is the worst thing ever, but it makes me appreciate what I have.

What are my priorities?

I've been thinking a lot about this one lately, and it ties into the notion that life is short.  I'm still figuring out what I want and need to do.  This is certainly not something that will happen over night, it will take time, and I hope that it will help me be happier.

Life has its ups and downs--that is certainly not a secret.  I have to deal with whatever comes my way, but I'm going to do it on my terms.  I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should feel or react to the situation, I'm going to do what I have to do.

Time will make everything all right, and while it will never erase the bad memories, it will dull the hurt and it will make me stronger, and that's what it takes to get through life.

Ugh!

Last week was rough.  The cold I'd been fighting for weeks finally kicked my butt and laid me out.  I spent two days in bed wanting someone to smother me.  It was awful.  But now, I'm finally starting to feel "normal" again.  That makes me so happy.

Being sick sucks, as many of you can attest.  Not only do I feel like hell warmed over, but it gives the voices in my head the chance to speak up--not the good voices, the ones who tell me stories, but the ones who try to bring me down.  So, not only was I sick, but self doubt crept in and I questioned if I was doing the right thing by writing.  I asked myself if I was just wasting my time.  After all, I was never going to be any good.  Only a small fraction of the population buys and reads my books.

You know what I did?  I told them to shut the hell up.  I told them I was doing what I wanted to do because I enjoyed doing it, and as long as it makes me happy, that's all that matters.  Besides, over the weekend, I received an awesome review from a fan, along with a review request for Undead Obsessed, and that totally lifted my spirits.  And my book manager told me Sunday night that The Appeal of Evil sold 12 copies over the weekend.

Take THAT voices in my head!

I'm looking forward to this week being amazing.  The boys are on Spring Break--and I'm totally jealous--and they'll be spending time with their grandma.  They are totally ready for the break.  I don't blame them one bit.  I would take one if I had the chance.  I'm going to continue to work on my grandfather-in-law's biography, and doing what makes me happy--writing.

I hope the rest of you have an amazing week also!

A Space of One’s Own

Earlier this week, I put together a cat tree for my cat. We’ve never had enough space for her to have one before, but now that we do, I thought she would really enjoy it.

After putting it together, I had my doubts about whether or not she would actually use it. My husband commented that I probably needed to put catnip on it so she would like it. That concerned me because I wasn’t exactly sure where I had put the catnip. But I wasn’t going to be overly worried about it until later. Alia never ventures out of her hiding space until after the kids go to bed, so I had a while to wait.

She didn’t need any encouragement. From the moment she spotted it, she jumped up on it, curled up in the house, played with the mouse toy, and stared down at the dogs with contempt. She seemed so excited and happy, which, in turn, made me ecstatic. 

 
Watching her on her tree made me think about how we all need a space that makes us feel totally safe and happy. We can always adapt and make do, but when we find that place where we can let go and become totally vulnerable, without having to worry about being vulnerable, that’s amazing. That’s when you get to be yourself. That’s when you get to let everything go.

These moments and having this space is so important. Without it, the world is just an awful place. For me, my haven (my cat tree) is at home. It’s where I can finally unwind from a busy day, pull my hair up, and put on my sweats. I don’t have to be “on.” I don’t have to worry about work. Granted, it’s not always a paradise, but it’s where I feel safe. And, like the cat, it gives me a perfect perch to look upon the world.