Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
Last summer, I turned 40. I didn’t handle the transition well. There was a lot of stress and anxiety. For a short time, I truly believed my life was over.
I’ve never been one to care too much about my age. I looked forward to the big ones:
- Getting my license at 16
- Being an official adult at 18
- Being able to legally drink at 21
- Being an adult-adult at 30
After turning 35, I felt it was suitable and appropriate to tell people when they asked my age that I was pushing 40. I honestly wasn’t bothered by a number.
Then, the year of emotional distress and overwhelming anxiety hit. Depression convinced me I was worthless and a failure. I was going to be 40 and what did I have to show for it?
- My job didn’t pay enough.
- I didn’t have insurance.
- I had no friends.
- My family was at least 7 hours away.
- I couldn’t write.
Yeah, it was a pretty bleak time. I spent my 40th birthday thinking I was going to die and that would be a fitting end to a craptastic life.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was watching Mobster on Reelz because why wouldn’t I be? The episode focused on “Mad Sam” DeStefano. He’d spend his life participating in crime, but his real ambition was to be part of the mob. He didn’t realize his dream until he turned 40.
Side note: as I was looking up the link for the episode to put into the blog, I noticed that the first time this episode aired was on my birthday 7 years ago. How crazy is that?
Jokingly, I turned to my spouse and said, “Hey, if this new sales job doesn’t work out for you, you could still have a lucrative career as a mob hit man.”
After I said that, something clicked in my brain.
No, I did not think that I had a lucrative future as a mob hit man.
But it did occur to me that if that guy could follow his passion and keep working and trying throughout his life and finally see a payoff/recognition at 40, why couldn’t I?
Being 40 isn’t that old. Instead of focusing on the things I hadn’t accomplished by 40, I needed to focus on the things I could accomplish after 40.
Mad Sam continued to murder people well into his 60s. I don’t condone his actions or view him as a role model, but it’s hard to deny that after 40 he became a huge success in his chosen field.
I still have a lot of life ahead of me, and I’m excited to see what I can accomplish. I’m going to work hard to fulfill my dreams and be the best I can be.
40 isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of a new chapter.
