In total, I was on the different dating apps for maybe 3 months, and my experience was mostly negative.
“That’s because you were on the wrong apps!” I hear some of you saying. “You needed to be on Match or eHarmony.”
To which I would respond: “Do you have any idea how expensive those apps are?”
And then you would say: “That’s the point! The high monthly price weeds out the creeps and weirdos and ensures that only those who are serious about finding a relationship are using the sites.”
And I would say: “Maybe.”
I have a friend who had a bad experience using Match. Despite the monthly fee, she was still able to find herself a predator.
I’ve also watched a news expose that focused on a man who murdered one woman and attempted to murder another after he met them on Match and was rejected.
I also know from personal knowledge that people with Dark Triad traits use dating apps to get their “supply.”
“Well, yeah,” some of you huff. “If you look for the bad in anything, you’re going to find it.”
Which is true. But keep in mind that I came to dating apps with high hopes and expectations, and they were dashed and torn apart. I was looking for the positive, but I didn’t find it.
My point is: It doesn’t matter if you have to pay a higher monthly fee or spend 20 minutes filling out a questionnaire. If a creep or predator is serious about finding their next victim and they have disposable income and time on their hands, they’ll use whatever dating app gets them what they want.
With that said, I also know two people who met and married their matches on dating apps. So, really, it can go either way.
At this point, all I know is that dating apps didn’t work for me.
“You just didn’t give it enough time,” some of you point out.
That could be, but I gave it as much energy as I could afford at the moment.
Other Finds During My Research
Probably the most interesting part about using dating apps was the information I found doing research. I’m one of those constantly curious people that likes to dig as deeply into a topic as I can get. For some, this might take the fun and excitement away from life, but for me, it makes it more intriguing.
If the internet has shown us anything, it’s that it’s super easy to create a whole new persona for yourself. You get to be who you want to be. And studies, even those conducted by the dating apps themselves, show that people lie in their profiles.
It has been found that 80% of people have lied in their dating app profile. The most common lies that people tell have to do with their height, weight, and age. The goal, of course, is to present the best versions of themselves to increase their chances of getting a date.
Other lies include how much money a person makes, with people saying they make more money than they really do. When OKCupid dug into this statistic to find out why this lie was so prevalent, they found that older guys who say they make a lot of money get more messages from potential partners than if they are in a lower income bracket.
So, if there’s a justification for this lie, it would be that it works — at least for a certain age group.
During my research, I also found that there is a high percentage of married men who also use dating apps to find other women. I can’t find that article again, so I can’t give you that number, but there is one from 2015 that claims that 42% of people who use Tinder already have a partner.
Now, I’m fully aware that Tinder is the site that is commonly used to find casual hook-ups, so maybe this statistic isn’t shocking to some, but I can say from experience that this isn’t the only site where this occurs.
I came across several profiles for married couples who were looking for a third or married men who wanted a side chick. There were also a few that said the divorce would be final in a few months, but the guy was looking for his next relationship now. This isn’t an anomaly.
Although, Tinder’s reputation as a hookup site is one of the reasons why I never signed up on that dating app.
Although, I have heard stories that Tinder has changed and there are now users who are looking for something serious and finding it. I will probably never find out…
There’s a Problem with Too Many Choices
One of the things that many people enjoy about dating apps is that they offer a lot of choices. People have access a world of available singles and look for the one that’s perfect for them.
But having tons of choices isn’t always better.
Recently, I read the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and in that book, he talks about how having too many choices actually makes it harder for us to find the right partner. Even if a person finds someone they click with and could have a lasting relationship with, there’s a fear that there is someone even better just a swipe away.
I also came across a study that talks about how the magnitude of options on dating apps leads to fears of rejection. After a certain amount of time, people stop swiping right (accepting) on potential matches because they are afraid that those people will reject them. The try to mitigate this feeling by being the first one to reject.
This could mean that they are overlooking individuals who could potentially be their soul mate. But rejection is a powerful thing, and if there’s a way to overcome the discomfort that comes from that, people will take it.
I can tell you that I experienced this while on the various dating apps. When I first got on, I felt like the world was my oyster. I picked men based on my personal preferences and sent messages to those I was hopeful to chat with.
After being ghosted or having conversations get awkward or fizzle out, I found my excitement waning. I would look at pictures and profiles and if I thought the man would ignore me, I decided not to have anything to do with him. I felt like I had to conserve my energy for those people who were “sure things.”
But that’s just it with dating apps: no one is a “sure thing.”
Most of the people are lying on their profile, so you don’t even get to know the “real” them until you meet in person (if you’re lucky; if nothing else, you’ll know if they look like their profile picture and are the height they claimed to be). There are also tons of fake profiles, and even those that are real, they might think that they’ll find a match that is even better, so they may reject you even after chatting for a while and/or going on a date.
I’m fully aware that finding a “sure thing,” whether you’re using a dating app or meeting people in other ways, requires a leap of faith. But there are people who aren’t willing to take that chance.
Relationships can be unpredictable and messy, and they come with a lot of emotion. Most people do what they can to avoid feeling discomfort at all costs, and may continuously swipe from one person to the next — all with the hope that Mr. or Mrs. Right will just fall into their lap.
Dating Apps and the Future
Some of you might be wondering if I plan to use dating apps in the future, and I can’t say. Right now, my knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Hell no!” But time may soften the experience.
If nothing else, I can walk away with some insight about myself. I will use this to grow and become the best person I possibly can.
Just because my story didn’t have a happy ending, that doesn’t mean it represents all dating app stories. There are millions of people who use these sites, and I am just one of many.
If you were lucky enough to find your forever using PoF, OKCupid, Match, eHarmony, or whatever, I’m incredibly happy for you.
Should you be thinking about signing up for one of these sites, all I can tell you is to be careful. Make sure you know what you’re getting into and protect yourself.
Well, that just about does it for what I am able/willing to share about my dating app experience. I hope you enjoyed it and perhaps even learned something along the way.
