Saturday, June 28, 2014

Misplaced Energy

This week was much better than last.  Most of my frustrations last week were due to lack of sleep and feeling overwhelmed.  It also became apparent to me that I was focusing my energy in the wrong place.  Once I redirected it, I felt a lot better.

I spent the vast majority of last week editing Undead Obsessed.  It needed to be done, and I think the book is getting whipped into great shape, but when I wasn't working on that, I was freaking out about whether or not an agent was going to like it.  I was impatient for them to get back to me.  I would check my email 800,000 times, then get upset when there wasn't anything new in there.  I was exhausted from worrying about things I had no control over.

This exhaustion made it hard to do other things.  It made me lose self-esteem.  I questioned my ability to write.  I actually didn't want to write--I was too tired.  I allowed myself a little break (and had a bit of a pity party), then I mentally slapped myself and told me to snap out of it.  Then, I forced myself to sit down and put pen to paper.  (Yes, I sometimes still write the old school way.)

Oh, my gosh.  I can't tell you how good it felt to get words down on paper.  I had convinced myself that I wasn't good enough and that I should just give up, but working on my chapter was cathartic.  It made me realize that I was wasting too much time looking for and worrying about agents when what I really needed to do was write.  It reminded me what I liked about the process.

My goal for next week is to focus on what makes me happy.  I'll deal with the other stuff when I have to.

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