Lately, I’ve noticed that one of the things I’m having a hard time reconciling is how I feel in my head compared to my body. In my brain, I’m still 25 years old. Most of the time, life seems fresh and exciting, and I believe that I’m charming and can talk to anyone and everyone.
My sense of humor is a bit to be desired, with thoughts and comments trending toward the sarcastic and often finding themselves in the gutter. (I don’t think having teenage boys is helping me in this department…)Then, I happen to catch a glance at myself in the mirror and realize that I’m quite a bit older than how I feel in my brain. Sometimes, that depresses me. I want to feel like I still have a lot of life left in me and before me—that I haven’t reached the middle of my existence—but it’s getting harder to ignore.
I know that I’m supposed to say the aches and pains in my body also remind me that I’m no longer young and spry, but I’ve been dealing with chronic back issues since I was 15. Pain is part of my life, so that’s not an indicator of age for me. On the plus side, I haven’t had many new issues, so I count myself lucky in that sense.
I’m Not Dead Yet
Even though there’s a disconnect between the age I feel in my brain and the one in my body, I do my best to remind myself that I’m not dead yet. I may not have as much life left as I did when I was in my 20s, but I’m not knocking on death’s door either (at least not that I know of). If I’m lucky enough to live as long as some of my relatives, I could have another 50 years in me—and there’s a lot I can do in that time.
Perhaps if nothing else, I can use those moments when I’m forced to recognize that I’m a middle-aged woman as a reminder to live each day to the fullest.
Perhaps I should also remind myself that there is nothing wrong with hanging onto the optimism and hopefulness I felt in my mid-20s, even though I’m currently in my 40s.
If there is a good side to realizing I’m 20 years removed from being 25, it’s that I have more experience and wisdom to guide me on the rest of my journey.
Now, I just need to reconcile that realization in my brain.
