Last week, as I stood in the shower getting ready for class, it occurred to me that ¾ of my students probably won’t use what I teach them beyond a classroom setting. All the time and effort I put into teaching them how to write, as soon as they can forget that information, they will.
I then started thinking about all of the things I’ve written in my life and about how much of it didn’t contribute to the wellbeing of humanity. Most of the things I’ve written weren’t profound insights or words of encouragement. They were content. They were words that filled the void of the internet.Naturally, my thoughts then spiraled into wondering what it means to be human and our purpose on this planet. How much was I contributing if all I did was teach something that most people didn’t find useful or create content that can easily be ignored?
Not My First Existential Crisis
I would say that, on average, I have an existential crisis about once a month. This has decreased from a few years ago when every day I was questioning my role in the universe.
Anything can bring about this line of questioning. I can be watching a TV show that will spark a thought about life and make me wonder what it’s all about. I can read something or just sit in silence and think about the nature of humanity and stress about what our roles are and what it all means in the larger scheme of things.
There are emotions that come with having an existential crisis, but they don’t overwhelm and debilitate me like they did before.
In times past, I would feel existential dread, where I would have no confidence in my abilities as an individual or a human. I would feel unworthy and invaluable and view humanity as a waste of space and important universal materials. It would depress me to think I was a member of such a species. I hated where and who I was.
The Wonders of Life
There is still some sadness that comes with the existential questions that roll through my mind, but I don’t automatically swing to the far-end of the spectrum like I have in the past.
I become curious about my thoughts and explore them.
The thought about my students and wasting my time impacted me for half a second, and then I realized that even though they may not use my teachings for the rest of their life, that doesn’t negate the fact that I enjoy doing what I do.
I’m not going to stop teaching.
Existential crises don’t always have to be a bad thing.
If I’ve learned anything in the past few years, it’s that staying curious and having the desire to explore is what keeps life interesting.
Sure, there may be times when it feels scary or overwhelming or depressing not to know your role, but that’s also the mystery of life. We aren’t meant to have all the answers.
Would it be nice? Absolutely. It may even reduce a lot of stress and anxiety.
But there are ways to make life less arduous without knowing everything.
What Is the Meaning of Life?
The hardest part about an existential crisis is thinking that life has no meaning. It’s the idea that everything we do on a daily basis doesn’t matter.
Honestly, in the scheme of the universe, it may not.
But does that mean we should just give up and stop living?
No.
The best part about being an individual and a human is that we get to choose what we do with our lives. We get to figure out what gives us meaning.
Will that be the same as what others or the universe thinks?
Maybe. But more than likely not. However, that doesn’t make our decisions wrong.
Maybe It Really Is the Little Things
Whenever I have an existential crisis, I treat it as a moment to reflect on what I’m doing and determine if my feelings of unworthiness are actually coming from me or if I’m judging myself against impossible standards.
No matter what I find, I have a chance to change what I’m doing.
Or not. It’s all up to me.
Maybe life doesn’t have to have meaning. Maybe there’s nothing to figure out. Maybe our only role on Earth is to get from the cradle to the grave in the best way possible. The answers may be intentionally vague so that we have the freedom and ability to explore the way we see fit.
I don’t know.
I don’t think anyone does.
And we may never figure it out.
When an existential crisis creeps up on me, one of the things I ask myself is: What do I want to be able to say at the end of my life?
For example, when I questioned why I was teaching, I asked myself: If I was on my deathbed tomorrow and asked myself if teaching was worth it to me, what would my answer be?
For that particular topic, I would have no regrets. I would revel in the fact that I got to meet so many amazing students and impart my wisdom to them. Whether they used it later in life or not, it was still a skill they could use if they wanted to—and I was a part of their journey.
As I said, I probably have an existential crisis once a month, but I no longer dread these moments. Now, I use them as a time to reflect and determine if I’m on the path that’s right for me. As scary as this type of crisis might be, it’s also a chance to figure my life out.
When an existential crisis creeps up on me, one of the things I ask myself is: What do I want to be able to say at the end of my life?
For example, when I questioned why I was teaching, I asked myself: If I was on my deathbed tomorrow and asked myself if teaching was worth it to me, what would my answer be?
For that particular topic, I would have no regrets. I would revel in the fact that I got to meet so many amazing students and impart my wisdom to them. Whether they used it later in life or not, it was still a skill they could use if they wanted to—and I was a part of their journey.
As I said, I probably have an existential crisis once a month, but I no longer dread these moments. Now, I use them as a time to reflect and determine if I’m on the path that’s right for me. As scary as this type of crisis might be, it’s also a chance to figure my life out.
