Thursday, January 12, 2012

Loss of Confidence

I'm my own worst critic. Always have been. You are probably your own worst critic, too. It's natural. I'm very psychotic when it comes to my writing. On one hand, I think I'm pretty good at what I do. I enjoy it, or else I wouldn't do it. But there's always that voice in my brain that tells me I'm no good.

I like having my work published. I like being able to share it with others. But, right before it comes out, when I have the galley proof to go through, I have a little freak out. It suddenly hits me that people are going to read this and judge it. What if they don't like it?

After that initial issue, once the book is actually out, I'm fine. There will be people who don't like. I can't do anything about that, so why worry about it? I'm thick skinned. I can handle criticism. You have to, or you won't make it past your first rejection. I'll just keep doing what I do.

Yesterday was said freak out. The editor sent me the image that will be used for my nonfiction book. It's Michael Myers, which is fine, though he's not my favorite killer. It doesn't have the title or byline on it, but I'm sure it will be awesome when it does. After looking at the image, it hit me: this book is really going to come out. Someone is going to publish this. People are going to read it.

And cue freak out. What if they don't like it? What if they tear my argument to shreds? I know it will be fine. Things will work out. And if they don't like it or disagree, nothing I can do about that. There were books I read for research where I didn't agree with the authors' arguments. I highly doubt it bothered them. In fact, they probably don't even know (unless they read the book, then they'll know), but I doubt it will break them. More than likely, it won't break me either.

I haven't gained all my confidence yet. I don't have the book in my hand. Plus, I'm sure I'll have a few more edits. Do you think it's too late to withdraw my submission?

2 comments:

Michael Selmer said...

You know that (withdrawing) isn't going to happen. :-) I ride the same roller-coaster as you do. Hold onto the highs and forget the lows. It is all we can do.

Pembroke Sinclair said...

Of course it's not going to happen! I'm sure that would be in breach of the contract! And things will work out just fine...