I finished the zombie story I was asked to write this weekend. I just have some little edits to make, then it's off to the editor! I'm not exactly sure how I feel about the story, but I think a lot of that is because of my shaken confidence. Ever since the rejections on the YA zombie novel, I've had a hard time with my writing. I find it hard to finish something once I've started, then I get a little panicky when I know someone is going to read it. I keep thinking, "Oh, let me just change this little thing, it'll make it better." But, really, I don't know that it does. I'm not exactly sure how to overcome it.
I started working on my nonfiction project also. Mainly, I was just going back and rereading what I've done so I know where I've left off and what I still need to talk about. I kind of amaze myself. Some of the stuff I've written sounds somewhat intelligent and almost like I know what I'm talking about. I'm really excited to get the book done, but I'm also very worried that no one will publish it. I haven't heard anything back from the publisher. I have a feeling they'll probably just stop talking to me again. I know there are other publishers out there, but the thought of getting another packet together makes my skin crawl and freaks me out a bit. I'm not handling rejection well, so it might push me over the edge. I shouldn't think about all that now, I should just finish the damn thing, but it's really hard not to consider. I don't know how to overcome that, either.
My spouse and I were talking the other night, and I was explaining the whole rejection process and how it affects me. I mentioned that if I really wanted to get the zombie novel published, I'm sure my little publisher would do it. My spouse said that I should probably just do it. That it's better to have my book out there for people to read instead of in a drawer. I'm not so sure that I agree. If I have the small publisher print it, I have to do all my own publicity. That's not a big deal because I've done it for my other book, but it's really hard when you don't have a lot of time. Plus, I think I might have sold a total of 30 books for my first novel. I know there are no guarantees that I will sell ANY if it goes to a traditional publisher, but at least more people will know about it. I don't know. I'm really torn right now. I don't think an agent will pick it up. I don't think it will sell. Maybe I just need to quit worrying about it and move on.